I've always known, and have only come to accept in my adult life, that my locus of control surrounds only myself, my reactions, and my actions. Others may interact with and occasionally influence my locus of control, but they are not controlled by it.
I am learning now that The Golden Rule is a bit of a scam.
We are encouraged to treat others as we would have them treat us, which I adhere to as best I can with some admitted flaws along the way. Where I find the scam to exist is in the unspoken reverse golden rule that by treating others in the manner of which we would have them treat us, we almost expect them to treat us as we have treated them. I've been warned against wanting to adhere to the reverse golden rule, but I think in this situation, the warning falls short.
Recently, I have noticed a great deal of petty arguments spring up in an online discourse community regarding the election results. Yes, there was some bickering throughout the 20-month campaign, but nothing quite to this extent. Because I know I am feeling weakened by my stress level, I have opted out of this discourse community until the waters calm. In the meantime, however, I have been engaged in an argument of my own, which I am finding difficult to ignore.
As I've made quite clear, I am not interested in advertising my political positions publicly. On occasion, I will voice my opinions when pertinent and only to those whom I trust. I believe in the privacy of my ballot as well as that of others' ballots. I am not interested in what selections people made, just THAT they made them. To me, the only important part of this election was voter turn-out. This in mind, I have not engaged anyone who I know is of a different opinion from me because I am not interested in the proceeding argument. This is me living according to The Golden Rule: I am politely ignoring and respecting people's privacy in their political views because it is how I would have them behave toward me. This in mind, I would like to be able to require that those who have not been engaged by me would not attempt to make assumptions or judgments on what they cannot know. I would like to require respect and privacy. I know this is not a possibility as my locus of control is limited. I am struggling not to react to these antagonistic remarks and hurtful judgments. I struggle because my mental energy is weakened now. I will not delve deeper into that part of the issue because I believe I already beat that dead horse into the ground with my last post.
An example for argument's sake.
Person A supports Idea 1.
Person B supports Idea 2 (or, at least Person A assumes).
Person B, knowing that he or she disagrees with Person A, chooses to refrain from argument--to each his or her own, Person B believes.
Person A, unprovoked, criticizes Person B with assumptions and impolite judgments once Person A realizes that Person B does not support Idea 1.
Person B, confused and hurt, wants to correct Person A, but he or she realizes that doing so would only stoke the flames. Person B decides to reward Person A the winning blow.
What makes The Golden Rule a scam? The unspoken suggestion that, "if you treat others the way you would have them treat you, then they will treat you the way you have treated them." This is untrue and perhaps explains the reason The Golden Rule was never presented as an if-then clause.
Robert and I agreed this morning (while he was calming down the Person B of my example) that when we teach our children The Golden Rule, we will do so with the admonition, "treat others as you would have them treat you, but do not expect them to treat you the way you have treated them." Such clarification should prevent future confusion and hurt.
Perhaps this Person B is too naive for her own good.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I'm like you. I just don't talk politics with people who don't agree with me because it's not going to change their minds and it's not going to change my mind and for some reason, arguments like that tend to turn to personal insults. Strange.
I tell Mia all the time: You can control what you do and how you treat people. You can't control what other people do so you can't worry about it. You do what you know is right because it's the only thing you can do and should do.
I have to tell myself this all the time too.
Post a Comment