Happily, this will be my final entry. Today is our rehearsal day, and after I have gotten myself ready, I will not be home long enough to write a new blog.
For at least the past week or so, everyone has been asking me if I'm ready, getting excited, or getting nervous. For the past week or so, my answer has usually been to smile and say, "I'm very excited." What I noticed, however, is a look of disappointment on their faces because my answer was a lot more low-key than perhaps they had expected from me. I wasn't jumping off the walls and being hyperactive with my excitement. It's a different kind of excitement. It's more of a feeling of, "Finally, everyone will get to hear what Robert and I have always been saying to each other privately." I am overwhelmed with happiness and calmness.
Robert and I are amazed at how unreal all of this feels. It's not even surreal...just simply unreal. I mentioned it to him the other day, and he seemed relieved that I, too, haven't quite grasped the reality of what's happening tomorrow. This morning, however, I awoke to the following text message:
"I figured out why none of this feels real yet: I already knew that I will spend the rest of my life with you. I can't imagine it any other way. This weekend--while awesome--is kinda a formality, you know? I pledged myself to you a long time ago...we have always been partners. I love you sweetheart. I'll see you later this afternoon."
And he's right. :)
Robert and I have been making vows and holding ourselves to them for almost an entire two years. I'll admit that the beginning of our relationship was focused a great deal on having fun and enjoying ourselves. But as we fell in love and were able to identify it, we started making these little pledges along the way. We've said for a while that we feel as though in our hearts we are already married. Tomorrow, we make it public and legal. Unfortunately a clandestine marriage just simply isn't how our society (not to mention the Catholic Church) acknowledges the validity of most people's unions. So, we are happy to comply with the norms and expectations of our society and my religion.
Tomorrow we'll stand in front of everyone we love and who love us and say to each other everything we've been saying all along. We'll make our private promises public, and that's what counts most. Now we invite our friends and families to hold us accountable to our promises, which adds a great deal more weight and significance to the vows.
I couldn't be any happier than I am in this moment right now, on the cusp of marrying the love of my life and my very best friend.
I love you, Robert! :)
And for my readers, just a friendly reminder, this is the final entry for Bride-in-Training. Come back after June 4th for the unveiling of my new blog: "A. Hab: A blog in the pursuit of happiness, personal growth, and love": http://a-hab-09.blogspot.com/.
Thanks for reading this blog and following me in my training. :) It's now time for my real world to begin!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Probably shouldn't be a bitch to a bride a week before her wedding...
General customer treatment 101: You probably shouldn't be a bitch to a bride a week before her wedding.
Last week, Robert and I dropped off our wedding bands to a local jeweler (family owned and operated for several decades) to be engraved. The man told us that the rings would probably be ready on Monday or Tuesday of this week. It's Thursday, but that's not such a big deal because the wedding isn't for nine more days. We just needed to have them in hand by next Friday. Robert received a phone call yesterday that the rings were ready, but we couldn't both make it over there until this morning. I got there a little later than we were originally hoping, and Robert had to dash because he had to get back to the duplex to let the carpet people in. So, while he was waiting for me to arrive, he went ahead and picked up my wedding band. He had some issues with one of the women in the store because, apparently, our rings were filed incorrectly. I think what had happened was that the rings were placed in the wrong bags. The woman kept telling Robert that she couldn't find his order, but when she finally did find it she acted as though it weren't a big deal. Wise up, lady: it's kind of the biggest deal. These are wedding bands. Not some company fountain pen.
When I arrived, Robert had to leave, so I went to the jeweler by myself, but I figured it'd be okay considering he had just been in there five seconds ago. I walk in, tell them the name on the order, and sure enough: they can't find it.
Let's pause.
My wedding band is a five-diamond band. It can be replaced because we have insurance on it.
Robert's wedding band is a family heirloom. It was first worn by his great-grandfather (Don) and then passed on to his grandfather (the first Robert in the family--my fiance is the third). His great-grandfather's initials were engraved on the ring, but his grandfather's (whose initials Robert shares) weren't. So, we decided to add his grandfather's initials as well as Robert's, just adding a III after the second set of initials. This is an important, invaluable, irreplaceable ring.
So the girl can't find my order. Immediately, I start to shake. She seems unapologetic and unconcerned...as though she doesn't believe me that I've even placed an order here at all. I told her it could be under Robert's name. She still can't find it. I told her that he was just in here--maybe his ring is somewhere on the counter. She ignores me and goes to consult the woman who does the engraving. At this point Robert calls me, and I can't stop shaking. That woman comes out, but she's no help because all she does is stare at the screen that apparently shows that I have no order in the system. Finally, some manager comes over, picks up a bag off the counter, and says, "Is this it?" Yup. And it was in the wrong bag--filed under Robert's name, apparently.
Even after it was all sorted out and I had Robert's ring in hand, the woman who had originally started working with me did not apologize for her error. Instead, she started to blame me because I had written his name on the card. But I had also written my name on the card. I wasn't listening to her because I was still on the phone with Robert--rude? Maybe. I didn't care. She was being a bitch. She practically threw the bag at me, gave me a tight (bitchy) smile, and said, "Well, you have a wonderful afternoon." I glared at her and said, "Oh yeah, you too."
The second I got out of that store, I started ranting into Robert's ear. I was still shaking from all the anxiety at the prospect of having lost his great-grandfather's wedding ring. We have both decided that the work this company does is not worth all of the bitchiness they continually treat us with--the first bad experience we had was when they kept Robert's grandfather's watch for over a year (they were trying to repair an antique watch but didn't have the parts).
It's a shame because this particular store is personal to my family in a way. When my dad was a young college guy, he spoke to the owner of the store who taught him about diamonds. My dad bought my mom's engagement ring from this store, as well as her wedding band (and probably his--I think they're a set). He's bought her several other pieces of jewelry from this place. But, unfortunately, in the last few years the family portion of the store's ownership has shifted so that the new owner (still a family member with the same last name) has a very different attitude toward customers and apparently educates her employees in this manner.
Excuse me, but if I'm a bride and I'm giving you business a week before my wedding, don't you think you would treat me like a bride who's giving you business a week before her wedding?
I mean, hell, I'm about to be surrounded by 153 of my closest friends and family--half of whom live here. Maybe I'll just spread this little story around.
Last week, Robert and I dropped off our wedding bands to a local jeweler (family owned and operated for several decades) to be engraved. The man told us that the rings would probably be ready on Monday or Tuesday of this week. It's Thursday, but that's not such a big deal because the wedding isn't for nine more days. We just needed to have them in hand by next Friday. Robert received a phone call yesterday that the rings were ready, but we couldn't both make it over there until this morning. I got there a little later than we were originally hoping, and Robert had to dash because he had to get back to the duplex to let the carpet people in. So, while he was waiting for me to arrive, he went ahead and picked up my wedding band. He had some issues with one of the women in the store because, apparently, our rings were filed incorrectly. I think what had happened was that the rings were placed in the wrong bags. The woman kept telling Robert that she couldn't find his order, but when she finally did find it she acted as though it weren't a big deal. Wise up, lady: it's kind of the biggest deal. These are wedding bands. Not some company fountain pen.
When I arrived, Robert had to leave, so I went to the jeweler by myself, but I figured it'd be okay considering he had just been in there five seconds ago. I walk in, tell them the name on the order, and sure enough: they can't find it.
Let's pause.
My wedding band is a five-diamond band. It can be replaced because we have insurance on it.
Robert's wedding band is a family heirloom. It was first worn by his great-grandfather (Don) and then passed on to his grandfather (the first Robert in the family--my fiance is the third). His great-grandfather's initials were engraved on the ring, but his grandfather's (whose initials Robert shares) weren't. So, we decided to add his grandfather's initials as well as Robert's, just adding a III after the second set of initials. This is an important, invaluable, irreplaceable ring.
So the girl can't find my order. Immediately, I start to shake. She seems unapologetic and unconcerned...as though she doesn't believe me that I've even placed an order here at all. I told her it could be under Robert's name. She still can't find it. I told her that he was just in here--maybe his ring is somewhere on the counter. She ignores me and goes to consult the woman who does the engraving. At this point Robert calls me, and I can't stop shaking. That woman comes out, but she's no help because all she does is stare at the screen that apparently shows that I have no order in the system. Finally, some manager comes over, picks up a bag off the counter, and says, "Is this it?" Yup. And it was in the wrong bag--filed under Robert's name, apparently.
Even after it was all sorted out and I had Robert's ring in hand, the woman who had originally started working with me did not apologize for her error. Instead, she started to blame me because I had written his name on the card. But I had also written my name on the card. I wasn't listening to her because I was still on the phone with Robert--rude? Maybe. I didn't care. She was being a bitch. She practically threw the bag at me, gave me a tight (bitchy) smile, and said, "Well, you have a wonderful afternoon." I glared at her and said, "Oh yeah, you too."
The second I got out of that store, I started ranting into Robert's ear. I was still shaking from all the anxiety at the prospect of having lost his great-grandfather's wedding ring. We have both decided that the work this company does is not worth all of the bitchiness they continually treat us with--the first bad experience we had was when they kept Robert's grandfather's watch for over a year (they were trying to repair an antique watch but didn't have the parts).
It's a shame because this particular store is personal to my family in a way. When my dad was a young college guy, he spoke to the owner of the store who taught him about diamonds. My dad bought my mom's engagement ring from this store, as well as her wedding band (and probably his--I think they're a set). He's bought her several other pieces of jewelry from this place. But, unfortunately, in the last few years the family portion of the store's ownership has shifted so that the new owner (still a family member with the same last name) has a very different attitude toward customers and apparently educates her employees in this manner.
Excuse me, but if I'm a bride and I'm giving you business a week before my wedding, don't you think you would treat me like a bride who's giving you business a week before her wedding?
I mean, hell, I'm about to be surrounded by 153 of my closest friends and family--half of whom live here. Maybe I'll just spread this little story around.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Announcing the new blog!
Coming soon, folks: the launch of this bride-in-training's new blog on married life! Bookmark the link below!
A.Hab: A Blog in Pursuit of Happiness, Personal Growth, and Love
The new blog launches on June 4, 2009, after we return from our honeymoon. On that date, I will officially no longer update Bride-in-Training. :)
A.Hab: A Blog in Pursuit of Happiness, Personal Growth, and Love
The new blog launches on June 4, 2009, after we return from our honeymoon. On that date, I will officially no longer update Bride-in-Training. :)
Monday, May 11, 2009
12 days to go and waiting with bated breath
In twelve days, I marry the man I love.
In twelve days, I learn what my mom kept promising I'd learn.
In twelve days, I drop a last name to gain another.
In twelve days, I knit my soul to Robert's to be witnessed by my friends and family.
In twelve days, my real life begins.
In twelve days, I wear that gorgeous dress for its intended purpose.
In twelve days, I celebrate a family doubled.
In twelve days, I shed the skin of the unconfident woman I once was.
In twelve days, I enter into a blessed, deeply resonating bond.
In twelve days, my best friend vows to cherish me until death. And I him.
In twelve days, fantasies I never knew I desired will see reality.
In twelve days, I'll know what it means to love and be loved for eternity.
In thirteen days, I go to London with my husband, who promised to take me there the first time we spoke outside of class.
This weekend, Robert and I went up to my parents' home for a few reasons. The first, of course, is that it was Mother's Day weekend and I wanted to be able to see my mom. The second is that I had my final dress fitting on Saturday morning. The third was that there were still many things left to be done for the wedding.
Friday:
Robert and I managed to get to my parents' without a great deal of difficulty--the construction that stretches for 29 miles on the southside of our trip has started to open up (just a little), which relieves the bottlenecking that used to plague that area. We had dinner with my parents (Friday nights are pizza nights), and then we ran a couple of errands before returning home. My mom and I finished a couple of little projects here and there (mostly boxing up ceremony and reception necessities), and my sister and her fiance made it home. When I had thought about going to bed, I went upstairs to find my mom and sister sitting in my bedroom. (My mom had moved her computer into my old room, so my room quickly became what is fondly called "Wedding Land.") I felt like I was bottoming out and only wanted to go to sleep. Unfortunately, this was not in the cards for the next few hours. We stared at the computer for quite a long time, finishing table arrangements and meal selections. We finally went to bed around 2 a.m.
Saturday:
I was awoken by an unhappy father (who forgot I was sleeping in my bedroom and wanted to use the computer) at 7 a.m. I could barely understand an angry word he was saying to me, which was only making him angrier. I finally told him that I needed to get up and take my shower (even though it was an hour earlier than I anticipated) so that I could get myself ready and out the door for my final dress fitting. After a brief but explosive argument with him, I was able to get showered and dressed, and I went to the bridal store with my mom and sister. I am unbelievably in love with my dress. A phenomenon happens, though, when a bride tries on her dress so many times--she sometimes has amnesia about how much she loves her dress. Sure, she'll probably remember some of the more intricate details, but she'll forget just exactly how beautiful she looks when she's in it until she's in it again.
I have tried on my gown three times. And all three times, I am astonished to see that I look the way I do and that I feel the way I do. I can't wait for Robert to see me in it because I want to know how I look in his eyes. I can't wait to see the look he has on his face because I know I will feel even more beautiful when he looks at me.
After we left the bridal store, we met my grandparents, dad, and Robert at Mimi's Cafe for some New Orleans style breakfast. The breakfast was amazing, of course, because it's Mimi's. We went to the mall as a family and did some Mother's Day shopping. Unbelievably fun--but we always have a great deal of fun together when we go shopping. Mom also bought me five new dresses--one for the rehearsal, one for the getaway dress, and all five for the honeymoon. That evening, we went to see "Star Trek" and were completely blown away. I'm ready for the sequel.
That night, Robert ventured into Wedding Land to answer a few of my mom's questions and was sucked in until 12:30 when he simply couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. I joined at some point as well, and helped Mom fight with PowerPoint to force it to do what we wanted it to do. We celebrated our 1:30 bedtime a little prematurely--we still had more work to do without realizing it. Before we said goodnight, Mom looked at me and said, "We have to do the place cards for the rest of our guests." So, we stayed up for another half hour or so finishing those. She went to bed at 2; I went to bed at 2:15--I sent Robert several text messages to outline for him the plan for the day, including my hope that he would drive us home (I had driven up) because the severe lack of sleep for the past eight days was starting to mess with me.
Sunday:
I tried to sleep in late but could only make it to just after 8. We had a leisurely breakfast, waiting for the stores to open at noon, so that Mom, Lauren, and I could finish our necessary shopping (some in preparation for the wedding, other in preparation for the honeymoon). Unfortunately, the store had very little selection (turns out everyone in my size has been buying out all of the capris), so we ended up ultimately going back home to finish doing the shopping online. We did go to DSW to buy a pair of shoes for my adorable getaway dress...and then we ended up hanging out there for over an hour trying on all the new cute sandals. I told Mom that I should probably avoid going to London in flip flops (even though I do think they're adorable) because they would not do well for walking long distances and would easily point me out as an American tourist. We found a few pairs of sandals each, and mine are extremely comfortable. lightweight, and adorable! I can't wait to wear them. We didn't make it home until around 5, though, and I was dead on my feet by then.
After packing everything up (Robert helped load up my car with everything for the reception with my mom, which made everything unbelievably easier), Robert and I hit the road. I passed out for a short portion on the road, and we made amazing time back home. I've been feeling a little under the weather, and the sleep deprivation hasn't helped--I felt horrible because when we made it back into town, I couldn't spend any time with Robert's mom on Mother's Day. But I could hardly keep my eyes open. I think she understands and isn't hurt by it--next year will be better. I've promised both moms (who received nothing this year from Robert and me) that we're going to do something a great deal better. I'm planning on doing something at the duplex for them.
Monday:
Lauren and I delivered all of the boxes to our reception site, so now they're safely tucked away for the wedding. I cannot wait! :) I feel so much better knowing everything is taken care of. We ran some more errands as well, in order to prepare for the next twelve days. And, finally, Robert and I are going to the phone place in the next couple of days (I hope tomorrow, hehehe) to get me a new phone and phone plan. My current plan expires at midnight on Friday. Plus, if any of my readers have spent any time at all around me in the past twelve months, they would know how desperately I hate my current phone (the Samsung Glyde). It is actually considered a blight on touch screen phones. It malfunctions after only a couple of months' use. I've had to stick with this crappy phone for far too long. Imagine my excitement at the potential of getting a new phone. I'm hoping for a Blackberry Curve. :)
That's actually pretty much everything.
Oh yeah, and after we return from the honeymoon, I'm going to be relocating to a new blog...since I won't be a bride-in-training any longer and all. :)
In twelve days, I learn what my mom kept promising I'd learn.
In twelve days, I drop a last name to gain another.
In twelve days, I knit my soul to Robert's to be witnessed by my friends and family.
In twelve days, my real life begins.
In twelve days, I wear that gorgeous dress for its intended purpose.
In twelve days, I celebrate a family doubled.
In twelve days, I shed the skin of the unconfident woman I once was.
In twelve days, I enter into a blessed, deeply resonating bond.
In twelve days, my best friend vows to cherish me until death. And I him.
In twelve days, fantasies I never knew I desired will see reality.
In twelve days, I'll know what it means to love and be loved for eternity.
In thirteen days, I go to London with my husband, who promised to take me there the first time we spoke outside of class.
This weekend, Robert and I went up to my parents' home for a few reasons. The first, of course, is that it was Mother's Day weekend and I wanted to be able to see my mom. The second is that I had my final dress fitting on Saturday morning. The third was that there were still many things left to be done for the wedding.
Friday:
Robert and I managed to get to my parents' without a great deal of difficulty--the construction that stretches for 29 miles on the southside of our trip has started to open up (just a little), which relieves the bottlenecking that used to plague that area. We had dinner with my parents (Friday nights are pizza nights), and then we ran a couple of errands before returning home. My mom and I finished a couple of little projects here and there (mostly boxing up ceremony and reception necessities), and my sister and her fiance made it home. When I had thought about going to bed, I went upstairs to find my mom and sister sitting in my bedroom. (My mom had moved her computer into my old room, so my room quickly became what is fondly called "Wedding Land.") I felt like I was bottoming out and only wanted to go to sleep. Unfortunately, this was not in the cards for the next few hours. We stared at the computer for quite a long time, finishing table arrangements and meal selections. We finally went to bed around 2 a.m.
Saturday:
I was awoken by an unhappy father (who forgot I was sleeping in my bedroom and wanted to use the computer) at 7 a.m. I could barely understand an angry word he was saying to me, which was only making him angrier. I finally told him that I needed to get up and take my shower (even though it was an hour earlier than I anticipated) so that I could get myself ready and out the door for my final dress fitting. After a brief but explosive argument with him, I was able to get showered and dressed, and I went to the bridal store with my mom and sister. I am unbelievably in love with my dress. A phenomenon happens, though, when a bride tries on her dress so many times--she sometimes has amnesia about how much she loves her dress. Sure, she'll probably remember some of the more intricate details, but she'll forget just exactly how beautiful she looks when she's in it until she's in it again.
I have tried on my gown three times. And all three times, I am astonished to see that I look the way I do and that I feel the way I do. I can't wait for Robert to see me in it because I want to know how I look in his eyes. I can't wait to see the look he has on his face because I know I will feel even more beautiful when he looks at me.
After we left the bridal store, we met my grandparents, dad, and Robert at Mimi's Cafe for some New Orleans style breakfast. The breakfast was amazing, of course, because it's Mimi's. We went to the mall as a family and did some Mother's Day shopping. Unbelievably fun--but we always have a great deal of fun together when we go shopping. Mom also bought me five new dresses--one for the rehearsal, one for the getaway dress, and all five for the honeymoon. That evening, we went to see "Star Trek" and were completely blown away. I'm ready for the sequel.
That night, Robert ventured into Wedding Land to answer a few of my mom's questions and was sucked in until 12:30 when he simply couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. I joined at some point as well, and helped Mom fight with PowerPoint to force it to do what we wanted it to do. We celebrated our 1:30 bedtime a little prematurely--we still had more work to do without realizing it. Before we said goodnight, Mom looked at me and said, "We have to do the place cards for the rest of our guests." So, we stayed up for another half hour or so finishing those. She went to bed at 2; I went to bed at 2:15--I sent Robert several text messages to outline for him the plan for the day, including my hope that he would drive us home (I had driven up) because the severe lack of sleep for the past eight days was starting to mess with me.
Sunday:
I tried to sleep in late but could only make it to just after 8. We had a leisurely breakfast, waiting for the stores to open at noon, so that Mom, Lauren, and I could finish our necessary shopping (some in preparation for the wedding, other in preparation for the honeymoon). Unfortunately, the store had very little selection (turns out everyone in my size has been buying out all of the capris), so we ended up ultimately going back home to finish doing the shopping online. We did go to DSW to buy a pair of shoes for my adorable getaway dress...and then we ended up hanging out there for over an hour trying on all the new cute sandals. I told Mom that I should probably avoid going to London in flip flops (even though I do think they're adorable) because they would not do well for walking long distances and would easily point me out as an American tourist. We found a few pairs of sandals each, and mine are extremely comfortable. lightweight, and adorable! I can't wait to wear them. We didn't make it home until around 5, though, and I was dead on my feet by then.
After packing everything up (Robert helped load up my car with everything for the reception with my mom, which made everything unbelievably easier), Robert and I hit the road. I passed out for a short portion on the road, and we made amazing time back home. I've been feeling a little under the weather, and the sleep deprivation hasn't helped--I felt horrible because when we made it back into town, I couldn't spend any time with Robert's mom on Mother's Day. But I could hardly keep my eyes open. I think she understands and isn't hurt by it--next year will be better. I've promised both moms (who received nothing this year from Robert and me) that we're going to do something a great deal better. I'm planning on doing something at the duplex for them.
Monday:
Lauren and I delivered all of the boxes to our reception site, so now they're safely tucked away for the wedding. I cannot wait! :) I feel so much better knowing everything is taken care of. We ran some more errands as well, in order to prepare for the next twelve days. And, finally, Robert and I are going to the phone place in the next couple of days (I hope tomorrow, hehehe) to get me a new phone and phone plan. My current plan expires at midnight on Friday. Plus, if any of my readers have spent any time at all around me in the past twelve months, they would know how desperately I hate my current phone (the Samsung Glyde). It is actually considered a blight on touch screen phones. It malfunctions after only a couple of months' use. I've had to stick with this crappy phone for far too long. Imagine my excitement at the potential of getting a new phone. I'm hoping for a Blackberry Curve. :)
That's actually pretty much everything.
Oh yeah, and after we return from the honeymoon, I'm going to be relocating to a new blog...since I won't be a bride-in-training any longer and all. :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
A way to feel small and insignificant:
In the middle of the night, take a giant blanket, one that will at least resist the nighttime dew from grasses, find a large field (preferably NGCSU's Drill Field--it's the very best for this task), lay down, and watch tomorrow's storm roll in.
Repeat at least four days a week for ego-checking.
Repeat at least four days a week for ego-checking.
17 days away and just holding on for dear life
I haven't updated in a while, mostly because the rest of the semester since achieving ABD spiraled largely out of control. Without recapping everything, I'll just focus on where we stand 17 days before the wedding.
Robert and I are going to get married, even if we have to take people down in the process. Not a fun attitude to have for the happiest experience of one's life, but this seems to be the position we've been unwittingly slammed into.
We are currently dealing with a number of cousins coming up out of the woodwork all of a sudden who have dates they want to invite. Funny thing, to me, is that the invitations were out in February. We gave them an rsvp deadline of April 18th. Rather than even receive one of these cousins' rsvp at all (because apparently her mother failed to hand the invitation to her when it arrived), we have had to make phone calls tracking people down. And now they want to add guests. At the eleventh hour.
The seating chart has been finalized. The numbers have been finalized and reported to our vendors. The contracts have been signed and faxed. Payment is due in a few days. We're done. We're not adding people any more.
Where Robert and I are finding ourselves, unfortunately, is in the position of sounding like complete pompous assholes who simply refuse to budge even an inch, refuse to give in for a special relative's special circumstance (one date seems to be "the one"...yet I only found out about her existence last night). The reality is that we would love to invite everyone on the planet to our wedding, but we simply cannot. We don't have the funds or space. And now, to give people a ridiculously long rsvp deadline (my mom and I have agreed that for my sister's wedding, we're bumping the deadline way up--our deadline should have been April 1), and then to find out two and a half weeks before the wedding that they want to add another person...it's just rude and disrespectful and completely disregards any labor involved in adding just one more person. (Because you know that one person becomes one more person becomes one more person, ad infinitum. You can't do for one cousin what you refuse to do for another one or else you'll hear about it from all the rest of the family.)
There are consequences to every action, as well as to every inaction. When someone asks you to do something by a particular date, and you refuse to do it by that date, there are consequences. Maybe you don't get the meal you wanted. Or maybe you don't get to bring your date you kept meaning to ask about (whose name wasn't on the invitation).
It seems to me that there is a complete disconnect between the reality and people's fantasies for this wedding.
The wedding is a business. It's a sacred business, sure, but it's a business nonetheless. We're signing contracts, wheeling and dealing, paying nonrefundable deposits, and setting limits and deadlines. Every romantically nuanced element of this wedding was a business deal. There were verbal proposals, disagreements, even fights over every single decision. We had to pitch every single decision, persuade someone for every single decision, and work ourselves silly over the minutest detail for every single decision. Those who are unaware of the work and time and hurt feelings and healed feelings and tears and Kleenexes used...they will walk into the ceremony and reception sites and be awed at how everything "fell into place." Nothing "fell into place." Everything was put there on purpose and with considerable deliberation. Every tiny aspect, down to whether or not the bridesmaids had open-toed shoes and how shiny the sheen on the groomsmen's tuxedos should be, was a deliberate movement. Everything was a conversation.
Frankly, I'm the one who should be most offended by the presupposition of some of our guests (or perhaps their desired guests). We are not mind readers. If the rough list, when compiled on the rough master list (with a request in red to please read through it carefully and find errors, omissions, or additions...by a certain deadline), did not have the words "+ guest" for an individual, how are we to know that that person might be possibly dating "the one"?
It's insulting to me to watch my mom work herself nearly to illness, scrutinizing every decision (and not arbitrarily but because they are contractual and require this much scrutiny), to then turn around and see someone ignore her efforts and hard work, or to believe that they deserve special treatment more than any other individual in either family. On behalf of my mom, I am offended. I feel slighted. I feel as though Robert and I will be punished by these family members to whom we had to refuse dates we never knew existed.
My mom taught me a new mantra last night, during our seventh and final phone conversation (this one at 1 a. edt/midnight cdt). The mantra is:
An error on your part does not equal an emergency on my part.
Meaning: just because you made a mistake, it does not mean I should get my knickers in a wad and enter into emergency mode and throw my agenda off course.
Callous? Maybe. But sometimes we have to be a little more callous than the world wants because otherwise we open ourselves to doormat status. The mantra does not mean that I will not work with you to try to help you resolve your mistake. But it means I will not drop everything I'm doing to correct it. Your mistake is yours to fix. I'll do what I can and only that. And I expect the same treatment when I make a mistake because this is the reciprocity of responsibility. I will ask you to take responsibility for your actions and their consequences (holding you accountable), and I expect you to do the same for me. Once that is achieved, we will find mutual respect and willingness to assist when necessary.
I'm not sure how this post is going to be received by my general readership. I am already so very wound-up by what's happening in my family and my future family-in-law that I'm not interested in sparking any debates. If you feel it necessary to spark a debate, please refrain from doing so on my blog. I'm afraid that with the little sleep I've been getting over these past several nights and the amount of stress I'm feeling 17 days before the wedding that I could unwillingly lash out at someone who does not deserve it. Thanks for your understanding.
Robert and I are going to get married, even if we have to take people down in the process. Not a fun attitude to have for the happiest experience of one's life, but this seems to be the position we've been unwittingly slammed into.
We are currently dealing with a number of cousins coming up out of the woodwork all of a sudden who have dates they want to invite. Funny thing, to me, is that the invitations were out in February. We gave them an rsvp deadline of April 18th. Rather than even receive one of these cousins' rsvp at all (because apparently her mother failed to hand the invitation to her when it arrived), we have had to make phone calls tracking people down. And now they want to add guests. At the eleventh hour.
The seating chart has been finalized. The numbers have been finalized and reported to our vendors. The contracts have been signed and faxed. Payment is due in a few days. We're done. We're not adding people any more.
Where Robert and I are finding ourselves, unfortunately, is in the position of sounding like complete pompous assholes who simply refuse to budge even an inch, refuse to give in for a special relative's special circumstance (one date seems to be "the one"...yet I only found out about her existence last night). The reality is that we would love to invite everyone on the planet to our wedding, but we simply cannot. We don't have the funds or space. And now, to give people a ridiculously long rsvp deadline (my mom and I have agreed that for my sister's wedding, we're bumping the deadline way up--our deadline should have been April 1), and then to find out two and a half weeks before the wedding that they want to add another person...it's just rude and disrespectful and completely disregards any labor involved in adding just one more person. (Because you know that one person becomes one more person becomes one more person, ad infinitum. You can't do for one cousin what you refuse to do for another one or else you'll hear about it from all the rest of the family.)
There are consequences to every action, as well as to every inaction. When someone asks you to do something by a particular date, and you refuse to do it by that date, there are consequences. Maybe you don't get the meal you wanted. Or maybe you don't get to bring your date you kept meaning to ask about (whose name wasn't on the invitation).
It seems to me that there is a complete disconnect between the reality and people's fantasies for this wedding.
The wedding is a business. It's a sacred business, sure, but it's a business nonetheless. We're signing contracts, wheeling and dealing, paying nonrefundable deposits, and setting limits and deadlines. Every romantically nuanced element of this wedding was a business deal. There were verbal proposals, disagreements, even fights over every single decision. We had to pitch every single decision, persuade someone for every single decision, and work ourselves silly over the minutest detail for every single decision. Those who are unaware of the work and time and hurt feelings and healed feelings and tears and Kleenexes used...they will walk into the ceremony and reception sites and be awed at how everything "fell into place." Nothing "fell into place." Everything was put there on purpose and with considerable deliberation. Every tiny aspect, down to whether or not the bridesmaids had open-toed shoes and how shiny the sheen on the groomsmen's tuxedos should be, was a deliberate movement. Everything was a conversation.
Frankly, I'm the one who should be most offended by the presupposition of some of our guests (or perhaps their desired guests). We are not mind readers. If the rough list, when compiled on the rough master list (with a request in red to please read through it carefully and find errors, omissions, or additions...by a certain deadline), did not have the words "+ guest" for an individual, how are we to know that that person might be possibly dating "the one"?
It's insulting to me to watch my mom work herself nearly to illness, scrutinizing every decision (and not arbitrarily but because they are contractual and require this much scrutiny), to then turn around and see someone ignore her efforts and hard work, or to believe that they deserve special treatment more than any other individual in either family. On behalf of my mom, I am offended. I feel slighted. I feel as though Robert and I will be punished by these family members to whom we had to refuse dates we never knew existed.
My mom taught me a new mantra last night, during our seventh and final phone conversation (this one at 1 a. edt/midnight cdt). The mantra is:
An error on your part does not equal an emergency on my part.
Meaning: just because you made a mistake, it does not mean I should get my knickers in a wad and enter into emergency mode and throw my agenda off course.
Callous? Maybe. But sometimes we have to be a little more callous than the world wants because otherwise we open ourselves to doormat status. The mantra does not mean that I will not work with you to try to help you resolve your mistake. But it means I will not drop everything I'm doing to correct it. Your mistake is yours to fix. I'll do what I can and only that. And I expect the same treatment when I make a mistake because this is the reciprocity of responsibility. I will ask you to take responsibility for your actions and their consequences (holding you accountable), and I expect you to do the same for me. Once that is achieved, we will find mutual respect and willingness to assist when necessary.
I'm not sure how this post is going to be received by my general readership. I am already so very wound-up by what's happening in my family and my future family-in-law that I'm not interested in sparking any debates. If you feel it necessary to spark a debate, please refrain from doing so on my blog. I'm afraid that with the little sleep I've been getting over these past several nights and the amount of stress I'm feeling 17 days before the wedding that I could unwillingly lash out at someone who does not deserve it. Thanks for your understanding.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I am Sir Gawain!
I defeated my Green Knight on Thursday, and I am now ABD! :D
Why the metaphor? Two reasons: 1. I'm teaching SGGK right now, and 2. because it fits for the nature of the exams. Although scary and imposing like a giant green knight would be, the process of taking exams also taught me several life lessons. I don't know if I endangered myself by entering the fray with a protective green sash, but I did slice off the Green Knight's head and received my own, less fatal, blow.
The less fatal blow I'm referring to is my low pass on one of my writtens. But even that's melted away as a distant memory.
My oral exam was scary at first, but I eventually eased my way into it and was able to find my footing. I got no sleep the night before (but who does?)--I woke up every hour on the hour to the same nightmare: being in the oral exam and failing in a myriad of ways. Never satisfied with the end, I'd roll over and go back to sleep, only to wake up again by the same nightmare (but with a more disastrous end than the previous one). This happened every hour from 1-5, until I finally threw off the covers at 5 a.m. and said, "Fuck this," took my shower, made and ate breakfast, and went to school early. My exam wasn't until 1 p.m., but I was on campus by 8 a.m.
I won't go into the nitty gritty details here, because I'm not entirely sure my readership is interested. What generally occurred was:
1. Dr. S asked his questions first. At first I wasn't giving him the answers he wanted, but I must have eventually started to please him. His portion lasted for 40 minutes--it was his written exam I low passed. He never even mentioned my score.
2. Dr. Ri asked her questions next. She really just wanted to talk about my dissertation topic, which I'm more than happy to do at any given moment. Her portion lasted for 30 minutes. I high passed her written exam.
3. Dr. Re asked her questions last. She's my dissertation director, and I was most nervous about her questions. She and I have a special relationship--she was the professor who really took me under her wing when I was a new little Master's student, nearly 5 years ago. She directed a great deal of my Master's research (I was her graduate research assistant), and she directed my Master's thesis. Her questions were challenging but fair. Her portion lasted for 30 minutes.
4. After everyone asked their questions, they sent me out of the room, twenty minutes ahead of schedule, which was good. A couple of my friends happened to be walking around the halls at that moment, so they gave me some words of encouragement while my committee discussed their decision (to pass or fail me). Faster than I expected, the door opened and Dr. Re gave my friends the thumbs-up. She and the rest of my committee gave me a round of applause. I could hardly breathe I was so excited.
5. After everything, Robert and Adriane met up with me. Robert really didn't have any reason to come to school that day, but he came anyway to meet me after the exam. I was thrilled beyond reason that I was able to see so many important people after the exams because they were all more than ready to celebrate with me. We went out for dinner and drinks that night. On Friday morning, I woke up more well-rested than I had been in a very long time.
I have been sleeping so well lately, which is good to know because I really didn't want to have to deal with clinical insomnia or anything of that nature.
I'm just so relieved and glad to no longer be under so much stress and to have everything finished. :)
Why the metaphor? Two reasons: 1. I'm teaching SGGK right now, and 2. because it fits for the nature of the exams. Although scary and imposing like a giant green knight would be, the process of taking exams also taught me several life lessons. I don't know if I endangered myself by entering the fray with a protective green sash, but I did slice off the Green Knight's head and received my own, less fatal, blow.
The less fatal blow I'm referring to is my low pass on one of my writtens. But even that's melted away as a distant memory.
My oral exam was scary at first, but I eventually eased my way into it and was able to find my footing. I got no sleep the night before (but who does?)--I woke up every hour on the hour to the same nightmare: being in the oral exam and failing in a myriad of ways. Never satisfied with the end, I'd roll over and go back to sleep, only to wake up again by the same nightmare (but with a more disastrous end than the previous one). This happened every hour from 1-5, until I finally threw off the covers at 5 a.m. and said, "Fuck this," took my shower, made and ate breakfast, and went to school early. My exam wasn't until 1 p.m., but I was on campus by 8 a.m.
I won't go into the nitty gritty details here, because I'm not entirely sure my readership is interested. What generally occurred was:
1. Dr. S asked his questions first. At first I wasn't giving him the answers he wanted, but I must have eventually started to please him. His portion lasted for 40 minutes--it was his written exam I low passed. He never even mentioned my score.
2. Dr. Ri asked her questions next. She really just wanted to talk about my dissertation topic, which I'm more than happy to do at any given moment. Her portion lasted for 30 minutes. I high passed her written exam.
3. Dr. Re asked her questions last. She's my dissertation director, and I was most nervous about her questions. She and I have a special relationship--she was the professor who really took me under her wing when I was a new little Master's student, nearly 5 years ago. She directed a great deal of my Master's research (I was her graduate research assistant), and she directed my Master's thesis. Her questions were challenging but fair. Her portion lasted for 30 minutes.
4. After everyone asked their questions, they sent me out of the room, twenty minutes ahead of schedule, which was good. A couple of my friends happened to be walking around the halls at that moment, so they gave me some words of encouragement while my committee discussed their decision (to pass or fail me). Faster than I expected, the door opened and Dr. Re gave my friends the thumbs-up. She and the rest of my committee gave me a round of applause. I could hardly breathe I was so excited.
5. After everything, Robert and Adriane met up with me. Robert really didn't have any reason to come to school that day, but he came anyway to meet me after the exam. I was thrilled beyond reason that I was able to see so many important people after the exams because they were all more than ready to celebrate with me. We went out for dinner and drinks that night. On Friday morning, I woke up more well-rested than I had been in a very long time.
I have been sleeping so well lately, which is good to know because I really didn't want to have to deal with clinical insomnia or anything of that nature.
I'm just so relieved and glad to no longer be under so much stress and to have everything finished. :)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Mint chocolate chip
My new layout reminds me of mint chocolate chip ice cream. This may be dangerous for my desire to eat more healthily.
Haven't signed on in a while, so here are the big points:
1. Exams: I have my oral exam tomorrow, and I'm insanely nervous and scared. My committee has been speaking in the definitive future tense about my dissertation, which is encouraging, but I'm afraid I'm going to screw it all up tomorrow afternoon. If I leave that room at 3:01 p.m. with the ability to say those three magic letters (ABD*), I will be a happy girl.
2. Wedding: Robert's parents' next-door neighbor threw us another bridal shower on Saturday. It was called a "Tool and Gadget" party, and it was entirely for Robert's friends and family, so none of mine were invited. (I already had my bridal shower for my friends, and my bridal shower for my family is in April.) We had a very nice time, and we're blown away by all the generous gifts from everyone! :) I can't wait to play with all our gadgets, actually. At the end of the party, I looked at Robert and said, "Can't we just go get married real quick so we can set up our house and play with all our shiny new toys?" Alas, we must wait 80 days.
And I guess that's about all. My life is pretty much just exams right now. Soon, I'll be focusing on the wedding, and that'll be very nice. I can't wait to have my exams behind me...but it's a scary step.
*ABD = All But Dissertation
Haven't signed on in a while, so here are the big points:
1. Exams: I have my oral exam tomorrow, and I'm insanely nervous and scared. My committee has been speaking in the definitive future tense about my dissertation, which is encouraging, but I'm afraid I'm going to screw it all up tomorrow afternoon. If I leave that room at 3:01 p.m. with the ability to say those three magic letters (ABD*), I will be a happy girl.
2. Wedding: Robert's parents' next-door neighbor threw us another bridal shower on Saturday. It was called a "Tool and Gadget" party, and it was entirely for Robert's friends and family, so none of mine were invited. (I already had my bridal shower for my friends, and my bridal shower for my family is in April.) We had a very nice time, and we're blown away by all the generous gifts from everyone! :) I can't wait to play with all our gadgets, actually. At the end of the party, I looked at Robert and said, "Can't we just go get married real quick so we can set up our house and play with all our shiny new toys?" Alas, we must wait 80 days.
And I guess that's about all. My life is pretty much just exams right now. Soon, I'll be focusing on the wedding, and that'll be very nice. I can't wait to have my exams behind me...but it's a scary step.
*ABD = All But Dissertation
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
'Twas the Night Before Doctoral Exams...
...and all through the house...
Okay, I'm stopping there because my creativity juices are all dried up.
Very briefly, I'm going to explain a decision I made with Robert's help and support. Originally, I was scheduled to take my Shakespeare exam tomorrow morning at 7:45. But, as he and I were talking about it, we started to figure that it might be better to actually lead with the exam I'm the most freaked out about, which is my major exam on early English drama to 1642. When I say "major exam," I mean like an undergraduate degree major. Something one majors in. Because it is the exam that it is, and it carries so much weight and importance with it, I am severely nervous about it.
I broke down around 8 p.m. and completely lost it. Full on shouting, cussing, crying meltdown. Robert helped get me through it, and when I was ready to review the notes, we sat down on the couch together and went through them. The first time through, I was still in a panic, so I couldn't recall any of the information. After Robert and I dealt with my panic (by acknowledging it and talking about it), he started asking me questions in a different tack. Sure enough, I knew the information and was able to rattle on and on about different connections and ideas. By 9 p.m., he looked at me and said, "We've gone through all the notes. We're done." And that was all it took.
No, I have not studied only one hour for this exam. I have studied four months for it (well, and not to mention the years of graduate work behind me).
So, the plan is to tackle the scariest exam first so that I can get it out of the way and focus on the other two more "fun" exams: Shakespeare and general drama. I'm taking my general drama exam last because my professor plans to look at the theory on my other two lists and ask me broad, overarching questions. I'm studying to be an early modern dramatist, and his exam is really focused on all drama from the ancient Greeks to an American play that came out a couple years ago. He wants to make sure I can also draw connections from my early modern work to really any time period before and after. I think I can do that.
So, am I ready? Yes.
Am I confident? Yes.
Will I do well? Yes.
And why? Because I have the support and love of my family, Robert, and all my friends behind me. (Plus my examiners seem pretty excited to get me over this last hurdle so I can write my dissertation. I think they're interested in my claim.)
Okay, I'm stopping there because my creativity juices are all dried up.
Very briefly, I'm going to explain a decision I made with Robert's help and support. Originally, I was scheduled to take my Shakespeare exam tomorrow morning at 7:45. But, as he and I were talking about it, we started to figure that it might be better to actually lead with the exam I'm the most freaked out about, which is my major exam on early English drama to 1642. When I say "major exam," I mean like an undergraduate degree major. Something one majors in. Because it is the exam that it is, and it carries so much weight and importance with it, I am severely nervous about it.
I broke down around 8 p.m. and completely lost it. Full on shouting, cussing, crying meltdown. Robert helped get me through it, and when I was ready to review the notes, we sat down on the couch together and went through them. The first time through, I was still in a panic, so I couldn't recall any of the information. After Robert and I dealt with my panic (by acknowledging it and talking about it), he started asking me questions in a different tack. Sure enough, I knew the information and was able to rattle on and on about different connections and ideas. By 9 p.m., he looked at me and said, "We've gone through all the notes. We're done." And that was all it took.
No, I have not studied only one hour for this exam. I have studied four months for it (well, and not to mention the years of graduate work behind me).
So, the plan is to tackle the scariest exam first so that I can get it out of the way and focus on the other two more "fun" exams: Shakespeare and general drama. I'm taking my general drama exam last because my professor plans to look at the theory on my other two lists and ask me broad, overarching questions. I'm studying to be an early modern dramatist, and his exam is really focused on all drama from the ancient Greeks to an American play that came out a couple years ago. He wants to make sure I can also draw connections from my early modern work to really any time period before and after. I think I can do that.
So, am I ready? Yes.
Am I confident? Yes.
Will I do well? Yes.
And why? Because I have the support and love of my family, Robert, and all my friends behind me. (Plus my examiners seem pretty excited to get me over this last hurdle so I can write my dissertation. I think they're interested in my claim.)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
100 entries, 100 days
I know I predicted that I wouldn't have posted anything until after the completion of my exams, but today is an important day. Today marks the 100th day in the countdown to the wedding! We have been engaged for 413 days, what's another 100? :) Robert always promised me that we could start the countdown in earnest when we got to 100, haha. I think we're going to count in increments of 10 until a month before the wedding. I'm so excited that it's just around the corner!
Dating
We had been seeing each other only 10 months before we got engaged. But in those 10 months, our relationship was tried and tested, and we grew into more improved versions of ourselves. We met in a class the Spring of 2007 and started officially dating on Feb. 4, 2007--Super Bowl Sunday. We had been seeing each other on little dates throughout January since the beginning of the semester. I was in love with him since the very beginning, and I believe it was obvious. I was so happy and calm whenever I was around him. I felt no pressure to behave a certain way or to put on airs. I could relax and be myself. I believe this is partly true because around Feb. 7th or so, I invited my new boyfriend over to my apartment for dinner...little did he know, I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to have a sort of tell-all talk with him to lay everything out there, so that he knew what brand of crazy I was before he got any more involved. I was nervous to share all my deepest, darkest secrets with this man I had only known for a little over a month, but something in me told me to trust him. After I finished speaking, he put his hand on my knee and said, "Thank you so much for trusting me and telling me all of that." Of course, he was not scared off, and since then we've built our relationship up on the foundation of trust and open communication. When we feel anything (fear, anger, joy, sadness), we know and trust that we can divulge those emotions to our partner in a safe environment and not be ridiculed or pushed way. Instead, it seems that when we freely express ourselves to one another, our love is deepened and strengthened. And in addition to all the "heavy" emotional stuff, I have always had fun with Robert. Since day one. He makes me laugh, he helps me find the joy in any situation, and I always feel safe with him.
The proposal
Robert proposed to me on Christmas morning, 2007 at his parents' house. Their traditional gift exchange is very similar to our gift exchange, each person taking a turn opening a gift so that everyone can give that person attention. I opened a few presents from Robert and his parents, things like a journal and a beautiful pearl bracelet. When it came my turn again to open another present, Robert instructed me to open a wrapped book. (We English nerds can always tell when we got a book.) I opened it from the top and saw pages--I started to get very excited because there were a few wonderful books on my list that year. As I tore off the paper from the cover, I saw the title and became perplexed. It read: Wedding Planning for Dummies. I looked at Robert (who was seated on the floor while I was on the couch) and said, "But we're not...." My voice trailed off as I watched him reach from behind to pull out a ring box. And that's when he proposed.
The night before we had gone to his grandmother's house for Christmas Eve dinner, and when we returned, I told him privately how much I loved his family and enjoyed spending time with them. Robert tweaked his earlier proposal idea to fit the theme of our conversation. He said, "Baby, you know how last night you said you wanted to become a member of my family, you wanted to be a part of it? Will you marry me?" We both started crying; I leaned over and hugged him so tightly and we kissed several times (right in front of his family, haha). When we composed ourselves, we both realized I hadn't spoken the word "yes" yet, and I hadn't even glanced at the ring. Laughing, Robert asked, "So? Is that a yes?" I kissed him again and said, "Yes!" He pulled the ring out of the box, I finally looked at it, my jaw dropped (because it is so much more than I ever anticipated), and I put it on my shaking hand. To our surprise and delight, it fit! Aside from necessity (cooking particularly messy foods, swimming, that sort of thing), I have not removed this ring since that day. I am excited to add its partner, the wedding band which accompanied it, to my finger as well.
I am also so grateful to his mom for taking pictures during the proposal. I printed off several copies and framed them as gifts to our mothers and grandmothers for Mother's Day last year. I also have them framed in my apartment. When I feel tired or bogged down, I look at those pictures and am made calm.
Engagement
This past Christmas (2008), we celebrated the anniversary of our engagement. Robert was a little perturbed by this simply because it's not very common for a couple to have such a long engagement, at least not in our social circles. But we remind each other all the time of why we had to wait to have our wedding. In general, our academic obligations really dictated what time of year and when we would be able to be married. Specifically, I didn't want to have to plan the final details of a wedding while studying for exams which I was originally slated to take Fall 2008, and we originally thought that he would be graduating a week before our wedding from the M.Ed. program. Of course, things change. We had a couple of heart-rending family deaths to deal with, and I ended up having back surgery in May. Every once in a while, when I feel the weight of a 400-day-long engagement bearing down on me, I just imagine having to walk down the aisle with a herniated disk. I wouldn't have been able to have stood through the entire ceremony, nor would I have been able to dance at the reception. In the end, it has truly worked out for the best.
In my heart, and I know in his heart as well, we are already married. We've been married for quite some time now. In our view marriage is merely the unification of two souls and two lives. We've united our souls in a way that cannot be broken, no matter how much life will try us. Our lives have been unified as much as they can when two people live in two separate homes, but we feel each other in our daily lives, no matter if we're in the same room or not.
Of course our lives are not perfect, and we have our little arguments, but we always come back to the same conclusion: we love and trust each other enough to express our true emotions and know that those true emotions will be handled with dignity.
I love you, Robert! I am honored to know that you chose me to stand beside you, and that in 100 days I will be your wife.
Dating
We had been seeing each other only 10 months before we got engaged. But in those 10 months, our relationship was tried and tested, and we grew into more improved versions of ourselves. We met in a class the Spring of 2007 and started officially dating on Feb. 4, 2007--Super Bowl Sunday. We had been seeing each other on little dates throughout January since the beginning of the semester. I was in love with him since the very beginning, and I believe it was obvious. I was so happy and calm whenever I was around him. I felt no pressure to behave a certain way or to put on airs. I could relax and be myself. I believe this is partly true because around Feb. 7th or so, I invited my new boyfriend over to my apartment for dinner...little did he know, I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to have a sort of tell-all talk with him to lay everything out there, so that he knew what brand of crazy I was before he got any more involved. I was nervous to share all my deepest, darkest secrets with this man I had only known for a little over a month, but something in me told me to trust him. After I finished speaking, he put his hand on my knee and said, "Thank you so much for trusting me and telling me all of that." Of course, he was not scared off, and since then we've built our relationship up on the foundation of trust and open communication. When we feel anything (fear, anger, joy, sadness), we know and trust that we can divulge those emotions to our partner in a safe environment and not be ridiculed or pushed way. Instead, it seems that when we freely express ourselves to one another, our love is deepened and strengthened. And in addition to all the "heavy" emotional stuff, I have always had fun with Robert. Since day one. He makes me laugh, he helps me find the joy in any situation, and I always feel safe with him.
The proposal
Robert proposed to me on Christmas morning, 2007 at his parents' house. Their traditional gift exchange is very similar to our gift exchange, each person taking a turn opening a gift so that everyone can give that person attention. I opened a few presents from Robert and his parents, things like a journal and a beautiful pearl bracelet. When it came my turn again to open another present, Robert instructed me to open a wrapped book. (We English nerds can always tell when we got a book.) I opened it from the top and saw pages--I started to get very excited because there were a few wonderful books on my list that year. As I tore off the paper from the cover, I saw the title and became perplexed. It read: Wedding Planning for Dummies. I looked at Robert (who was seated on the floor while I was on the couch) and said, "But we're not...." My voice trailed off as I watched him reach from behind to pull out a ring box. And that's when he proposed.
The night before we had gone to his grandmother's house for Christmas Eve dinner, and when we returned, I told him privately how much I loved his family and enjoyed spending time with them. Robert tweaked his earlier proposal idea to fit the theme of our conversation. He said, "Baby, you know how last night you said you wanted to become a member of my family, you wanted to be a part of it? Will you marry me?" We both started crying; I leaned over and hugged him so tightly and we kissed several times (right in front of his family, haha). When we composed ourselves, we both realized I hadn't spoken the word "yes" yet, and I hadn't even glanced at the ring. Laughing, Robert asked, "So? Is that a yes?" I kissed him again and said, "Yes!" He pulled the ring out of the box, I finally looked at it, my jaw dropped (because it is so much more than I ever anticipated), and I put it on my shaking hand. To our surprise and delight, it fit! Aside from necessity (cooking particularly messy foods, swimming, that sort of thing), I have not removed this ring since that day. I am excited to add its partner, the wedding band which accompanied it, to my finger as well.
I am also so grateful to his mom for taking pictures during the proposal. I printed off several copies and framed them as gifts to our mothers and grandmothers for Mother's Day last year. I also have them framed in my apartment. When I feel tired or bogged down, I look at those pictures and am made calm.
Engagement
This past Christmas (2008), we celebrated the anniversary of our engagement. Robert was a little perturbed by this simply because it's not very common for a couple to have such a long engagement, at least not in our social circles. But we remind each other all the time of why we had to wait to have our wedding. In general, our academic obligations really dictated what time of year and when we would be able to be married. Specifically, I didn't want to have to plan the final details of a wedding while studying for exams which I was originally slated to take Fall 2008, and we originally thought that he would be graduating a week before our wedding from the M.Ed. program. Of course, things change. We had a couple of heart-rending family deaths to deal with, and I ended up having back surgery in May. Every once in a while, when I feel the weight of a 400-day-long engagement bearing down on me, I just imagine having to walk down the aisle with a herniated disk. I wouldn't have been able to have stood through the entire ceremony, nor would I have been able to dance at the reception. In the end, it has truly worked out for the best.
In my heart, and I know in his heart as well, we are already married. We've been married for quite some time now. In our view marriage is merely the unification of two souls and two lives. We've united our souls in a way that cannot be broken, no matter how much life will try us. Our lives have been unified as much as they can when two people live in two separate homes, but we feel each other in our daily lives, no matter if we're in the same room or not.
Of course our lives are not perfect, and we have our little arguments, but we always come back to the same conclusion: we love and trust each other enough to express our true emotions and know that those true emotions will be handled with dignity.
I love you, Robert! I am honored to know that you chose me to stand beside you, and that in 100 days I will be your wife.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Feeling ill and ill-prepared
My stomach is on fire and gurgling. I've been taking Maximum Strength Pepcid A/C under the consultation of my family's general practitioner, and I'm still feeling like I could puke, but that it'd only be acid.
Whenever I think about my forthcoming exams, one week away as of today, I feel like I want to curl into a ball and hide. I keep telling myself that I am not the only one in the history of the world having taken the exams, there are hundreds of years of doctoral candidates to prove that. I know that two weeks from today I'll feel better, and I'll look back and believe I'd overreacted entirely.
But right now my stomach is in fiery knots.
I canceled class because I don't feel well enough to move off the couch. I'm going to spend the day studying and hoping that that will alleviate the stress and stomach acid.
My friends and committee members are all confident that I know more than I think I do. But the reality is that there are huge gaping holes where I feel like I haven't prepared enough. Entire plays I haven't read. Just thinking that makes my stomach gurgle even more, quite obviously the point of all the stress. I'm feeling panicked over what I haven't read because I'm afraid that those specific works will be on the exams, and that I won't be able to write the appropriate essays. Of course, I don't know what the exam questions are going to be, so they could very well be much better. Here's the general rundown for a typical exam:
Minor exam: 3 essay questions, lasting one hour each for a grand total of 3 hours testing time; there are two minor exams.
Major exam: 3 essay questions, lasting over an hour each for a grand total of 4 hours testing time; there is one major exam.
I have some general notions about the direction my examiners' questions will take, but not knowing the specifics is starting to freak me out.
This might be my last post until after exams. See you on the other side.
Whenever I think about my forthcoming exams, one week away as of today, I feel like I want to curl into a ball and hide. I keep telling myself that I am not the only one in the history of the world having taken the exams, there are hundreds of years of doctoral candidates to prove that. I know that two weeks from today I'll feel better, and I'll look back and believe I'd overreacted entirely.
But right now my stomach is in fiery knots.
I canceled class because I don't feel well enough to move off the couch. I'm going to spend the day studying and hoping that that will alleviate the stress and stomach acid.
My friends and committee members are all confident that I know more than I think I do. But the reality is that there are huge gaping holes where I feel like I haven't prepared enough. Entire plays I haven't read. Just thinking that makes my stomach gurgle even more, quite obviously the point of all the stress. I'm feeling panicked over what I haven't read because I'm afraid that those specific works will be on the exams, and that I won't be able to write the appropriate essays. Of course, I don't know what the exam questions are going to be, so they could very well be much better. Here's the general rundown for a typical exam:
Minor exam: 3 essay questions, lasting one hour each for a grand total of 3 hours testing time; there are two minor exams.
Major exam: 3 essay questions, lasting over an hour each for a grand total of 4 hours testing time; there is one major exam.
I have some general notions about the direction my examiners' questions will take, but not knowing the specifics is starting to freak me out.
This might be my last post until after exams. See you on the other side.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Reading versus studying
A colleague who recently achieved ABD status last November gave me some solid advice on Saturday afternoon. She said:
"I never understood why they call it 'reading for exams.' You're not reading for exams. You're studying for exams. There's quite a difference."
She's right.
"Reading for exams" implies a depth of comprehension achieved only when every single word has been consumed on every single page, cover to cover. With a cumulative reading list of 300 items, this is nigh-on impossible.
"Studying for exams" suggests, rather, a general glossing of the detailed material, focusing instead on thematic importance and treatment as well as on authorial idiosyncrasies.
I will be expected not to quote from my texts nor to close-read specific passages. I know this from conversations I've had with my examiners--every exam is different, so it is possible for a candidate to take an exam for which they're expected to close-read a given passage.
Instead, according to two-thirds of my committee (I don't meet with my third examiner until this afternoon), I will be expected to make critical connections between primary and secondary sources, a skill I've developed since my days as an undergraduate English major. If a PhD candidate cannot make critical connections by the time they are taking exams, then they should really reconsider their program placement. Sounds elitist, but, frankly, it's the job we're paid to do. An inability to perform that job in any capacity hampers the ability to perform the job in the classroom.
I am confident in my capacity to draw unforeseen connections. I've been paid to do that for nearly five years now. I've been trained to do that for nearly nine. I have a natural inclination toward it (at least as I've been told by my parents and past teachers).
So, rather than reading for exams, the goal is to study for them. A critical difference in semantics that can cost the outcome of the exam.
I'll sound a little like a PSA or a drug commercial or lawsuit commercial:
If you are, or someone you know is, facing preliminary/comprehensive/qualifying examinations, heed the advice: don't read for exams. Study for them.
"I never understood why they call it 'reading for exams.' You're not reading for exams. You're studying for exams. There's quite a difference."
She's right.
"Reading for exams" implies a depth of comprehension achieved only when every single word has been consumed on every single page, cover to cover. With a cumulative reading list of 300 items, this is nigh-on impossible.
"Studying for exams" suggests, rather, a general glossing of the detailed material, focusing instead on thematic importance and treatment as well as on authorial idiosyncrasies.
I will be expected not to quote from my texts nor to close-read specific passages. I know this from conversations I've had with my examiners--every exam is different, so it is possible for a candidate to take an exam for which they're expected to close-read a given passage.
Instead, according to two-thirds of my committee (I don't meet with my third examiner until this afternoon), I will be expected to make critical connections between primary and secondary sources, a skill I've developed since my days as an undergraduate English major. If a PhD candidate cannot make critical connections by the time they are taking exams, then they should really reconsider their program placement. Sounds elitist, but, frankly, it's the job we're paid to do. An inability to perform that job in any capacity hampers the ability to perform the job in the classroom.
I am confident in my capacity to draw unforeseen connections. I've been paid to do that for nearly five years now. I've been trained to do that for nearly nine. I have a natural inclination toward it (at least as I've been told by my parents and past teachers).
So, rather than reading for exams, the goal is to study for them. A critical difference in semantics that can cost the outcome of the exam.
I'll sound a little like a PSA or a drug commercial or lawsuit commercial:
If you are, or someone you know is, facing preliminary/comprehensive/qualifying examinations, heed the advice: don't read for exams. Study for them.
Friday, January 30, 2009
To read, or not to read
Lame joke, I know. Forgive me. I'm sleep deprived and trying not to acknowledge the precipice upon which I stand.
I just had a meeting with my professor who will be administering the Shakespeare exam...and the first thing she says is that the list is too long, and that she'd like to shorten it. I just stared at her, wide-eyed, and said, "I've already finished." She started apologizing because she had always wanted to shorten it, but I actually didn't follow-up on scheduling a meeting with her last semester. That was my fault. So we started laughing because what else is there to do but laugh at this point? She did give me a more narrow focus for when I study for the exams over the next couple of weeks, which is a relief.
I believe I have come up with a pretty good idea of how I need to study. My one examiner (for the general drama list, consisting of no fewer than 90 plays) has given me a pretty big clue for the direction his questions will take. I think the wisest thing for me to do now is rather than try to read every single word of every single play, I'm going to read until I get a good idea of the writer's style and his/her thematic approach and move on to the next. I can use SparkNotes or Twayne Notes for the plots. (For those not in university, the Twayne Note Series is sort of the academic version of SparkNotes. It gives a much more academic approach to explaining the texts than SparkNotes does.)
We've basically gotten to a point where the name of the game is not to run myself down. There's a lot of crud running rampant in the English department right now, and among my students, so I've been trying not to touch anything other people have touched...except for this keyboard and mouse, doorknobs, and the elevator buttons. That's a lot of surfaces touched by quite a staggering number of people, actually. But anyway, I'm trying to go to bed before midnight most nights and I'm trying to ensure that I'll get eight hours of sleep. So far, so good, but I have a feeling that when the exams come, I'll need to start relying on my Unisom more. I think that on Feb. 22nd, I'm going to be hit with the flu. It wouldn't surprise me in the least. And it's fine if I get the flu on Feb. 22nd. I just can't get the flu before Feb. 18th.
Anyway, that's the new reading plan for these two lists. I have a meeting with my third examiner (the one doing my major list, actually) on Monday afternoon. Here's hoping she doesn't tell me she wanted to chop down my list, too, lol.
I just had a meeting with my professor who will be administering the Shakespeare exam...and the first thing she says is that the list is too long, and that she'd like to shorten it. I just stared at her, wide-eyed, and said, "I've already finished." She started apologizing because she had always wanted to shorten it, but I actually didn't follow-up on scheduling a meeting with her last semester. That was my fault. So we started laughing because what else is there to do but laugh at this point? She did give me a more narrow focus for when I study for the exams over the next couple of weeks, which is a relief.
I believe I have come up with a pretty good idea of how I need to study. My one examiner (for the general drama list, consisting of no fewer than 90 plays) has given me a pretty big clue for the direction his questions will take. I think the wisest thing for me to do now is rather than try to read every single word of every single play, I'm going to read until I get a good idea of the writer's style and his/her thematic approach and move on to the next. I can use SparkNotes or Twayne Notes for the plots. (For those not in university, the Twayne Note Series is sort of the academic version of SparkNotes. It gives a much more academic approach to explaining the texts than SparkNotes does.)
We've basically gotten to a point where the name of the game is not to run myself down. There's a lot of crud running rampant in the English department right now, and among my students, so I've been trying not to touch anything other people have touched...except for this keyboard and mouse, doorknobs, and the elevator buttons. That's a lot of surfaces touched by quite a staggering number of people, actually. But anyway, I'm trying to go to bed before midnight most nights and I'm trying to ensure that I'll get eight hours of sleep. So far, so good, but I have a feeling that when the exams come, I'll need to start relying on my Unisom more. I think that on Feb. 22nd, I'm going to be hit with the flu. It wouldn't surprise me in the least. And it's fine if I get the flu on Feb. 22nd. I just can't get the flu before Feb. 18th.
Anyway, that's the new reading plan for these two lists. I have a meeting with my third examiner (the one doing my major list, actually) on Monday afternoon. Here's hoping she doesn't tell me she wanted to chop down my list, too, lol.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Official exam schedule
I got an e-mail from our Graduate Studies Coordinator with the official exam schedule:
Wednesday, February 18: 7:45-10:45 a.m., Shakespeare
Thursday, February 19: 7:45-11:45 a.m., Early English drama to 1642
Friday, February 20: 7:45-10:45 a.m., General drama
I decided to do the minor exams in the order I did them because I've almost finished reading for Shakespeare, so the one I would need more time on (if it came down to it) would be General drama.
We've come down on a decision for the Super Bowl party, and that is to go. I'm going to do everything I can to prepare myself to be able to go (as in reading like a powerhouse before the party starts). The reasoning was that I literally haven't done a single social thing since before Christmas break, and Robert and Adriane were very supportive in my doing this one social thing before my exams. Maybe I'll be able to get a little infusion from my support network that will bolster me before I take these exams.
Wednesday, February 18: 7:45-10:45 a.m., Shakespeare
Thursday, February 19: 7:45-11:45 a.m., Early English drama to 1642
Friday, February 20: 7:45-10:45 a.m., General drama
I decided to do the minor exams in the order I did them because I've almost finished reading for Shakespeare, so the one I would need more time on (if it came down to it) would be General drama.
We've come down on a decision for the Super Bowl party, and that is to go. I'm going to do everything I can to prepare myself to be able to go (as in reading like a powerhouse before the party starts). The reasoning was that I literally haven't done a single social thing since before Christmas break, and Robert and Adriane were very supportive in my doing this one social thing before my exams. Maybe I'll be able to get a little infusion from my support network that will bolster me before I take these exams.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Out, damn smell!!
I just attacked my apartment with a spray bottle of Febreze, which reminded me very much of Lady Macbeth's issue with washing her hands. Well...she was hallucinating, after all. Or dreaming. Depending on the director.
Anyway....
I'm clearly in student mode because as I was finishing the play of the morning (M. Butterfly by Hwang, which I'd read eight years ago and not since, but have always loved), I noticed just how utterly awful my apartment smells. Well, I don't think it's hit-you-in-the-face-when-you-walk-in-the-door yet...but there's this faint hint of...bad...every time I take a deep breath. I also noticed that my ratio of clean clothes to dirty clothes had hit an all-time low; in fact, I am still in my PJs for the simple fact that I don't have any clean pants to wear. I decided to start laundry, and I think it'll probably take six loads or so to finish. I think I got the smell out (could have been the clothes), although I do notice a faint hint of rot coming from the kitchen. My garbage disposal is broken (again), and I haven't had the energy to call the apartment manager to come and fix it (again). It's a monthly occurrence. You can understand why I'm reluctant to call (again) after I've constantly requested an entirely new appliance. But the truth of the matter is there's food down there, and with the weather starting to warm back up, there will soon be bugs. Gross but true. Maybe I'll call tomorrow.
Why has everything in my apartment just turned so violently to shit? Well, mostly because of my exams. They are scheduled for Feb. 18-20th (written) and March 5th (oral). My forthcoming calendar of events:
January:
No longer counts for anything. I am reading every single day, regardless of social events or activities planned.
February:
1: Super Bowl party
5: Guest lecture on Shakespeare for a colleague
18: Written exam in general drama or Shakespeare (3 hours)
19: Written exam in English early modern drama (4 hours)
20: Written exam in general drama or Shakespeare (3 hours)/Students' papers due
21: Adriane's birthday party (a month late)
23: Students' midterm exam
27: Students' grades for first paper and midterm exam due
28: Tool and Gadget bridal shower for Robert's friends and his side of the family
March:
5: Oral exam (roughly 2 hours...my fate will literally be decided at this meeting)
12-15: Conference on College Composition and Communication (CCCC, lovingly called 4 C's where I'll present a paper on ekphrasis in tattoos on the 13th)
14-22: Spring "Break"--or, as I call it, dissertation prospectus writing time
21: Amy's bridal shower
28: I think there's something here, but I can't remember it right now....
April:
4: My family bridal shower hosted by my Aunt Beth
17: Bridal luncheon/nails/rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for Amy's wedding
18: Amy's wedding
30: Robert's roommates move out
May:
1: We start renovations on the duplex before I move in (this includes recarpeting, repainting, replacing some doors/fixtures, and CLEANING)
6: Students' final exam
8: Students' grades are due
16: My bachelorette party
22: Bridal luncheon/nails/rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for our wedding
23: Our wedding!!!
24: Leave for honeymoon-->destination: LONDON!
June:
3: return from London, arrive in the evening...probably exhausted
6: Robert's birthday...not sure how we'll celebrate this year. Probably a store-bought cake, lol.
7: Continue the process of moving me in and unpacking all my stuff.
So, that's what I've got on my plate. I'm constantly overwhelmed, overtired, overstressed, and just generally not feeling well. I've recently been having trouble with stomach acid, so I've started a Pepcid A/C regimen (approved by the family doc) just to get me through so that I can actually put some food in my body. Sleep is almost always a moot point, although I was able to sleep very well the other night. I miss my friends so much. At this point, I only ever see a handful of my friends (maybe two or three) for a few minutes out of the day as we busily rush to teach. I see Adriane all the time, but it's not exactly quality time because we're both reading for our individual exams (she takes hers in April).
Robert's got this huge TV that usually all the guys gather around for the Super Bowl. I've begged him to let us go to my friend's apartment to watch the game, despite the fact that her television is smaller and she doesn't have TiVo for convenient at-home instant replays. He might leave at half-time, which is upsetting to me because I know that by asking him to do this at my friend's place, he's losing time with his friends. But I miss my friends SO MUCH. I can't stand it.
I don't even know if this will be an issue. The Super Bowl is this Sunday, and I don't think it's looking good for me. I have 80-odd plays left to read before the exams (I want to have them finished by the first week of Feb. so I can spend the second week studying my notes). This will probably go down as yet another social event with my friends that I'll have to miss.
If you are considering getting your PhD, let me give you a very fair warning. There are elements that are intellectually exciting and challenging. It can be loads of fun, particularly if you have a supportive committee backing you up. There are a few downsides, and those are generally in the final years of the PhD. These downsides are the GDEs/prelims/quals/whatever your department calls them and the dissertation. The GDEs/prelims/quals/whatever are the General Doctoral Exams/preliminary exams/qualifying exams for your dissertation. You have to pass these before you can go on to your diss, so they are extremely important. Everything hinges on them. While studying for these exams, the time is lonely, isolating, and stressful. It is a difficult time in your life. Although I've not gotten on the other side, the glorious side of ABD ("all but dissertation"), I have been told by others that once past the exams, life is sweeter.
But I am left wondering about Oscar Wilde and his ability to read two pages at once.
Anyway....
I'm clearly in student mode because as I was finishing the play of the morning (M. Butterfly by Hwang, which I'd read eight years ago and not since, but have always loved), I noticed just how utterly awful my apartment smells. Well, I don't think it's hit-you-in-the-face-when-you-walk-in-the-door yet...but there's this faint hint of...bad...every time I take a deep breath. I also noticed that my ratio of clean clothes to dirty clothes had hit an all-time low; in fact, I am still in my PJs for the simple fact that I don't have any clean pants to wear. I decided to start laundry, and I think it'll probably take six loads or so to finish. I think I got the smell out (could have been the clothes), although I do notice a faint hint of rot coming from the kitchen. My garbage disposal is broken (again), and I haven't had the energy to call the apartment manager to come and fix it (again). It's a monthly occurrence. You can understand why I'm reluctant to call (again) after I've constantly requested an entirely new appliance. But the truth of the matter is there's food down there, and with the weather starting to warm back up, there will soon be bugs. Gross but true. Maybe I'll call tomorrow.
Why has everything in my apartment just turned so violently to shit? Well, mostly because of my exams. They are scheduled for Feb. 18-20th (written) and March 5th (oral). My forthcoming calendar of events:
January:
No longer counts for anything. I am reading every single day, regardless of social events or activities planned.
February:
1: Super Bowl party
5: Guest lecture on Shakespeare for a colleague
18: Written exam in general drama or Shakespeare (3 hours)
19: Written exam in English early modern drama (4 hours)
20: Written exam in general drama or Shakespeare (3 hours)/Students' papers due
21: Adriane's birthday party (a month late)
23: Students' midterm exam
27: Students' grades for first paper and midterm exam due
28: Tool and Gadget bridal shower for Robert's friends and his side of the family
March:
5: Oral exam (roughly 2 hours...my fate will literally be decided at this meeting)
12-15: Conference on College Composition and Communication (CCCC, lovingly called 4 C's where I'll present a paper on ekphrasis in tattoos on the 13th)
14-22: Spring "Break"--or, as I call it, dissertation prospectus writing time
21: Amy's bridal shower
28: I think there's something here, but I can't remember it right now....
April:
4: My family bridal shower hosted by my Aunt Beth
17: Bridal luncheon/nails/rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for Amy's wedding
18: Amy's wedding
30: Robert's roommates move out
May:
1: We start renovations on the duplex before I move in (this includes recarpeting, repainting, replacing some doors/fixtures, and CLEANING)
6: Students' final exam
8: Students' grades are due
16: My bachelorette party
22: Bridal luncheon/nails/rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for our wedding
23: Our wedding!!!
24: Leave for honeymoon-->destination: LONDON!
June:
3: return from London, arrive in the evening...probably exhausted
6: Robert's birthday...not sure how we'll celebrate this year. Probably a store-bought cake, lol.
7: Continue the process of moving me in and unpacking all my stuff.
So, that's what I've got on my plate. I'm constantly overwhelmed, overtired, overstressed, and just generally not feeling well. I've recently been having trouble with stomach acid, so I've started a Pepcid A/C regimen (approved by the family doc) just to get me through so that I can actually put some food in my body. Sleep is almost always a moot point, although I was able to sleep very well the other night. I miss my friends so much. At this point, I only ever see a handful of my friends (maybe two or three) for a few minutes out of the day as we busily rush to teach. I see Adriane all the time, but it's not exactly quality time because we're both reading for our individual exams (she takes hers in April).
Robert's got this huge TV that usually all the guys gather around for the Super Bowl. I've begged him to let us go to my friend's apartment to watch the game, despite the fact that her television is smaller and she doesn't have TiVo for convenient at-home instant replays. He might leave at half-time, which is upsetting to me because I know that by asking him to do this at my friend's place, he's losing time with his friends. But I miss my friends SO MUCH. I can't stand it.
I don't even know if this will be an issue. The Super Bowl is this Sunday, and I don't think it's looking good for me. I have 80-odd plays left to read before the exams (I want to have them finished by the first week of Feb. so I can spend the second week studying my notes). This will probably go down as yet another social event with my friends that I'll have to miss.
If you are considering getting your PhD, let me give you a very fair warning. There are elements that are intellectually exciting and challenging. It can be loads of fun, particularly if you have a supportive committee backing you up. There are a few downsides, and those are generally in the final years of the PhD. These downsides are the GDEs/prelims/quals/whatever your department calls them and the dissertation. The GDEs/prelims/quals/whatever are the General Doctoral Exams/preliminary exams/qualifying exams for your dissertation. You have to pass these before you can go on to your diss, so they are extremely important. Everything hinges on them. While studying for these exams, the time is lonely, isolating, and stressful. It is a difficult time in your life. Although I've not gotten on the other side, the glorious side of ABD ("all but dissertation"), I have been told by others that once past the exams, life is sweeter.
But I am left wondering about Oscar Wilde and his ability to read two pages at once.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Celebrating a pseudo-anniversary
Two years ago today (or on this holiday, rather) Robert and I started seeing each other. We don't celebrate this as our dating anniversary because this was not when we had begun dating each other exclusively. That was Feb. 4, 2007...Super Bowl Sunday. This day was simply when we were just starting to feel each other out. It was the Saturday before MLK day in 2007 that Robert came to my apartment to read The Tempest for our Shakespeare class. The next day, he and I e-mailed back and forth to follow-up a lengthy conversation we were having about Clone High and Rats Saw God. We decided to meet up at my favorite local coffee shop (Toomer's) because he wanted to let me borrow the DVDs of Clone High and the book Rats Saw God. We agreed (via e-mail) to meet up at 1 p.m. at Toomer's on MLK day. Here's what happened.
12:00 p.m.: I made my way to Toomer's with a textbook in hand. I had a plan to appear to have been sitting there studying all morning, all nonchalant, not like I was anxiously anticipating seeing him at all. The best laid plans....
12:10 p.m.: Just as I was about to turn into the Toomer's parking lot, my check engine light came on. I was only just down the street from my mechanic and a little under an hour early, so I thought, "I'll pop in; I'm sure it's nothing." Well, it wasn't nothing. It was some sort of an expensive repair that required some sort of bolt or other. I ended up leaving my car there for a couple of days waiting for the bolt to come in.
1:30 p.m.: When it became obvious that my car was going to impede my ability to make it to Toomer's on time, I called my sister, who also lived very nearby and asked her to go into my e-mail and find Robert's cell phone number for me. He had e-mailed it to me the night before, just in case plans changed. I called him, my heart drumming in my throat, while I tried to sound nonchalant, and explained what was going on. Of course, Robert had the same idea I had had, which was to get there early...so he'd been waiting a while. He decided to leave Toomer's (thinking he'd been stood up, I guess), but we rescheduled for later that afternoon.
3:00 p.m.: My sister took me to Toomer's, so she was there with me when I met up with Robert again. She knew I was nervous, but I was more excited than anything. He and I sat there for hours just talking about everything.
That's when I knew.
For two years today, I have felt the most comfortable I've ever felt. I have felt the most calm, the most complete, the most myself I've ever felt in my entire life. These two years have simultaneously stretched for all of eternity and yet have also felt as short as a gasp. I know my soul has known Robert's soul forever. But we've been together for hardly any time at all.
This is how I know.
12:00 p.m.: I made my way to Toomer's with a textbook in hand. I had a plan to appear to have been sitting there studying all morning, all nonchalant, not like I was anxiously anticipating seeing him at all. The best laid plans....
12:10 p.m.: Just as I was about to turn into the Toomer's parking lot, my check engine light came on. I was only just down the street from my mechanic and a little under an hour early, so I thought, "I'll pop in; I'm sure it's nothing." Well, it wasn't nothing. It was some sort of an expensive repair that required some sort of bolt or other. I ended up leaving my car there for a couple of days waiting for the bolt to come in.
1:30 p.m.: When it became obvious that my car was going to impede my ability to make it to Toomer's on time, I called my sister, who also lived very nearby and asked her to go into my e-mail and find Robert's cell phone number for me. He had e-mailed it to me the night before, just in case plans changed. I called him, my heart drumming in my throat, while I tried to sound nonchalant, and explained what was going on. Of course, Robert had the same idea I had had, which was to get there early...so he'd been waiting a while. He decided to leave Toomer's (thinking he'd been stood up, I guess), but we rescheduled for later that afternoon.
3:00 p.m.: My sister took me to Toomer's, so she was there with me when I met up with Robert again. She knew I was nervous, but I was more excited than anything. He and I sat there for hours just talking about everything.
That's when I knew.
For two years today, I have felt the most comfortable I've ever felt. I have felt the most calm, the most complete, the most myself I've ever felt in my entire life. These two years have simultaneously stretched for all of eternity and yet have also felt as short as a gasp. I know my soul has known Robert's soul forever. But we've been together for hardly any time at all.
This is how I know.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A short one before buckling down
I have so much work to do today, but I just wanted to briefly recap our meeting with the priest on Saturday.
I have been e-mailing Fr. Bill back and forth the past few days, and in one of my final e-mails, I asked him if he needed us to bring anything. (Well, in addition to the certificate of completion from the Engaged Encounter weekend, which I already knew we'd need.) He told me to bring a book he gave us when we first met...which was last January! So, panicked, I started searching my apartment high and low for this book. My sister has helped me by organizing my wedding binder (which is HUGE and seems to be growing every day), and I noticed a book in one of the page covers, but I thought it was a book we received at Engaged Encounter. I called Robert, asked him if he remembered us receiving a book; he did, but he thought it was a little white book. I start searching my apartment for a little white book. Finally, Robert comes over to help me search, and we still come up empty-handed. This is all Friday night.
Saturday morning, the morning of the meeting, I grabbed whatever I could find that had to do with a Catholic wedding. I grabbed the Church information packet, the itinerary that we're supposed to fill out, a book my mom bought me called "Your Catholic Wedding," and the little book from the back of my binder. When we got into our meeting with the priest, I laid everything out in front of me, and he said, "Oh good, I see you brought your book with you!" All that panic and stress over nothing. Turns out that book was the one he had given us a year ago...whew.
The meeting itself was wonderful. Even though we weren't necessarily in need of heavy counseling, I still left feeling counseled and calmer. Sign of a good priest, I think. Robert pointed out that priests are trained to be good counselors, as well, so it's a sign of a good counselor, too.
We took our FOCCUS test, which stands for "Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding Study." Most Catholic parishes require the completion of this test as one of the steps toward marriage preparation. Before I explain what the test is, I'll divulge a little of my own reluctance. I like to watch "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" And one of the couples recently was a Catholic couple, and they had to take a FOCCUS test. They were much younger than Robert and I (probably by a good five or eight years), and they were both worried that the test was a compatibility test. They were scared that if they didn't score high enough, that they would be refused their wedding. The show, of course, did nothing to explain what the test was or to remove those suspicions.
The FOCCUS test, as it turns out, is simply a way to see where the couple needs to have more conversations. I asked Fr. Bill before he took us to our separate rooms, "Why exactly are we taking this test? What does it do?" And he responded, "This is NOT a compatibility test. There are no right or wrong answers, and it alone is not going to determine whether or not you two should be married. All it shows us is where you two have reached agreement and where you might still need to talk." It's a standard Likert scale with Agree, Disagree, and Unsure as the only options. Areas that are marked "Unsure" are probably areas that require further discussion.
Because Robert and I are an interfaith couple, we had an additional 9 questions to answer in regards to our religious differences. I felt pretty confident in that area, so most of my answers were either "agree" or "disagree." The only area I didn't feel entirely confident in was our money management plan. All we've really come to agree on is that it'll work out. But I feel like I need a more structured plan than that, and I'm sure it'll be something we talk about the next time we meet with the priest.
Overall, we really do love our priest, and I'm so excited he's going to marry us. What thrills me even more is his willingness to marry us in a traditional Catholic Mass ceremony, complete with the Eucharist, even though Robert and over half the guest list won't be taking Eucharist. It's important to me that I receive the sacrament of Eucharist when I enter into the sacrament of Marriage. Robert understands and appreciates that, so it hasn't been an issue. It's never guaranteed that a particular archdiocese will agree to allow a Mass ceremony for an interfaith couple, but we're very happy that our archdiocese is in agreement with it.
I can feel this shift in my heart occurring...this shift from being the girlfriend/fiancée to being the wife. And it gives me such a calming sense of wholeness. 130 days to go! :)
I have been e-mailing Fr. Bill back and forth the past few days, and in one of my final e-mails, I asked him if he needed us to bring anything. (Well, in addition to the certificate of completion from the Engaged Encounter weekend, which I already knew we'd need.) He told me to bring a book he gave us when we first met...which was last January! So, panicked, I started searching my apartment high and low for this book. My sister has helped me by organizing my wedding binder (which is HUGE and seems to be growing every day), and I noticed a book in one of the page covers, but I thought it was a book we received at Engaged Encounter. I called Robert, asked him if he remembered us receiving a book; he did, but he thought it was a little white book. I start searching my apartment for a little white book. Finally, Robert comes over to help me search, and we still come up empty-handed. This is all Friday night.
Saturday morning, the morning of the meeting, I grabbed whatever I could find that had to do with a Catholic wedding. I grabbed the Church information packet, the itinerary that we're supposed to fill out, a book my mom bought me called "Your Catholic Wedding," and the little book from the back of my binder. When we got into our meeting with the priest, I laid everything out in front of me, and he said, "Oh good, I see you brought your book with you!" All that panic and stress over nothing. Turns out that book was the one he had given us a year ago...whew.
The meeting itself was wonderful. Even though we weren't necessarily in need of heavy counseling, I still left feeling counseled and calmer. Sign of a good priest, I think. Robert pointed out that priests are trained to be good counselors, as well, so it's a sign of a good counselor, too.
We took our FOCCUS test, which stands for "Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding Study." Most Catholic parishes require the completion of this test as one of the steps toward marriage preparation. Before I explain what the test is, I'll divulge a little of my own reluctance. I like to watch "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" And one of the couples recently was a Catholic couple, and they had to take a FOCCUS test. They were much younger than Robert and I (probably by a good five or eight years), and they were both worried that the test was a compatibility test. They were scared that if they didn't score high enough, that they would be refused their wedding. The show, of course, did nothing to explain what the test was or to remove those suspicions.
The FOCCUS test, as it turns out, is simply a way to see where the couple needs to have more conversations. I asked Fr. Bill before he took us to our separate rooms, "Why exactly are we taking this test? What does it do?" And he responded, "This is NOT a compatibility test. There are no right or wrong answers, and it alone is not going to determine whether or not you two should be married. All it shows us is where you two have reached agreement and where you might still need to talk." It's a standard Likert scale with Agree, Disagree, and Unsure as the only options. Areas that are marked "Unsure" are probably areas that require further discussion.
Because Robert and I are an interfaith couple, we had an additional 9 questions to answer in regards to our religious differences. I felt pretty confident in that area, so most of my answers were either "agree" or "disagree." The only area I didn't feel entirely confident in was our money management plan. All we've really come to agree on is that it'll work out. But I feel like I need a more structured plan than that, and I'm sure it'll be something we talk about the next time we meet with the priest.
Overall, we really do love our priest, and I'm so excited he's going to marry us. What thrills me even more is his willingness to marry us in a traditional Catholic Mass ceremony, complete with the Eucharist, even though Robert and over half the guest list won't be taking Eucharist. It's important to me that I receive the sacrament of Eucharist when I enter into the sacrament of Marriage. Robert understands and appreciates that, so it hasn't been an issue. It's never guaranteed that a particular archdiocese will agree to allow a Mass ceremony for an interfaith couple, but we're very happy that our archdiocese is in agreement with it.
I can feel this shift in my heart occurring...this shift from being the girlfriend/fiancée to being the wife. And it gives me such a calming sense of wholeness. 130 days to go! :)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
So close I can taste it!
Yesterday was a potentially stressful day, but after a successful meeting with my dissertation director first thing in the morning, I was able to have a stress-free, relaxing day.
The meeting in short:
1. We're going to schedule my written exams for February 18-20 and my oral exam for March 5th, barring any scheduling conflicts from my two other committee advisors.
2. I'll plan to attend the Modern Language Association conference in December. MLA, aside from providing a new citation style guide every four years, conducts annual meetings during which job search committees hold interviews (in hotel rooms) with potential candidates. I will have at least half of my dissertation completed by this time so that my answers to the interview questions can be phrased in present tense rather than future. So, "I argue" rather than "I will argue." It makes a big difference. I probably will not come away with a job placement from this meeting (and will be lucky to attend any interviews at all, actually), but my director believes this will be a good learning experience and is extremely encouraging of my attendance.
3. Aside from a single change to a single sentence, my dissertation director is ready to approve my justification. The justification is a required document written by the doctoral candidate that explains why certain texts were selected for the exams and how these texts will inform the candidate's research interests. I sent my director a copy of my rough draft over the holiday, and she only wants one single change. Apparently I've improved as a writer, if she's happy with the rough draft! I'm excited. (Besides, the justification is little more than a formality. Nobody else besides my committee members will see it. The graduate school just has to see the approval form on file to move me forward in my plan of study.)
Our meeting lasted about an hour, which was nice because I hadn't had a chance to sit down and talk with her for a few months. I felt relieved and validated. The moment that boosted my self-esteem (and motivation, frankly) was when I started explaining my dissertation idea to her, and she perked up and said, "Oh yes. That's a very good point. I don't think I've read anything like that before." *grin* I knew I'd figure it out eventually. Basically what happened was as I was reading for my exams, I realized a lack in the scholarship in regards to this particular question. Not wanting to go too far into it and bore my readers, I'll just say that my dissertation will basically be about the transvestitism in drama as well as on stage. Nobody has quite struck the heart of the issue yet, which has been irritating, but I'm happy to be the one who responds. :)
What I didn't mention in the meeting is how these dates for my exam are going to help work with my personal life as well.
February:
16: Students' papers are due
18-20: Written exams
23: Students' mid-term exam
25: Students' grades (on both paper and exam) due
21 or 28: the stuffing the invitations/addressing the invitations weekend with Mom and Lauren (which I originally didn't think I could attend, but might be able to now!)
March:
5: Oral exam
7: Amy's bachelorette party
12: Fly out to SF for a conference and paper presentation
13: Paper presentation
16-20: Spring Break
21: Amy's bridal shower
This means that after Spring Break, I will return a happy, calm bride--who has the chance to be a bride!! :D I will be able to enjoy the last few months of the engagement so much more. I'll be able to pack and plan without the threat of exams hanging over my head. :)
This is Amanda as a happy student.
And this is Amanda as she signs off to go spend the evening in the library's graduate student study room! :)
The meeting in short:
1. We're going to schedule my written exams for February 18-20 and my oral exam for March 5th, barring any scheduling conflicts from my two other committee advisors.
2. I'll plan to attend the Modern Language Association conference in December. MLA, aside from providing a new citation style guide every four years, conducts annual meetings during which job search committees hold interviews (in hotel rooms) with potential candidates. I will have at least half of my dissertation completed by this time so that my answers to the interview questions can be phrased in present tense rather than future. So, "I argue" rather than "I will argue." It makes a big difference. I probably will not come away with a job placement from this meeting (and will be lucky to attend any interviews at all, actually), but my director believes this will be a good learning experience and is extremely encouraging of my attendance.
3. Aside from a single change to a single sentence, my dissertation director is ready to approve my justification. The justification is a required document written by the doctoral candidate that explains why certain texts were selected for the exams and how these texts will inform the candidate's research interests. I sent my director a copy of my rough draft over the holiday, and she only wants one single change. Apparently I've improved as a writer, if she's happy with the rough draft! I'm excited. (Besides, the justification is little more than a formality. Nobody else besides my committee members will see it. The graduate school just has to see the approval form on file to move me forward in my plan of study.)
Our meeting lasted about an hour, which was nice because I hadn't had a chance to sit down and talk with her for a few months. I felt relieved and validated. The moment that boosted my self-esteem (and motivation, frankly) was when I started explaining my dissertation idea to her, and she perked up and said, "Oh yes. That's a very good point. I don't think I've read anything like that before." *grin* I knew I'd figure it out eventually. Basically what happened was as I was reading for my exams, I realized a lack in the scholarship in regards to this particular question. Not wanting to go too far into it and bore my readers, I'll just say that my dissertation will basically be about the transvestitism in drama as well as on stage. Nobody has quite struck the heart of the issue yet, which has been irritating, but I'm happy to be the one who responds. :)
What I didn't mention in the meeting is how these dates for my exam are going to help work with my personal life as well.
February:
16: Students' papers are due
18-20: Written exams
23: Students' mid-term exam
25: Students' grades (on both paper and exam) due
21 or 28: the stuffing the invitations/addressing the invitations weekend with Mom and Lauren (which I originally didn't think I could attend, but might be able to now!)
March:
5: Oral exam
7: Amy's bachelorette party
12: Fly out to SF for a conference and paper presentation
13: Paper presentation
16-20: Spring Break
21: Amy's bridal shower
This means that after Spring Break, I will return a happy, calm bride--who has the chance to be a bride!! :D I will be able to enjoy the last few months of the engagement so much more. I'll be able to pack and plan without the threat of exams hanging over my head. :)
This is Amanda as a happy student.
And this is Amanda as she signs off to go spend the evening in the library's graduate student study room! :)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
A New Year, a new post
Happily, 2008 is in the books. It was a tough year to say the least, and I'm happy we've moved on to 2009. I awoke the morning of 2009 with butterflies in my tummy: it was finally the year that I'll be married. The very idea of the wedding still gets me giddy. Many of my friends are doing this, so I thought I should as well.
A Year in Review: 2008
January:
Robert proposed to me the morning of Christmas day. We spent January on what we called "The Great Ring Tour!" So many of his local friends and family invited us over to their houses to see the ring, and (for some) to meet me. We really enjoyed all the attention, even if it was at times taxing. We also met with our priest for the first time to discuss some details about the wedding. The spring semester started for us in much the same way as other semesters--stressful, but with a sense of relief to return to a scheduled day. It was my last semester of grad courses.
February:
Robert and I celebrated our one-year anniversary on February 4th by going to the same restaurant we went to on our first dinner date. Halfway through the month, I finally confessed to Robert and my mom that I had shooting, searing pain down my left leg for some time, which would usually end in numbing my toes. I tried to act as nothing was wrong for a few months, but by February, it was too much to ignore any longer. I went to the orthopedist and had an MRI that revealed my extremely herniated disk. We scheduled surgery for the end of the semester. I remained in pain for the next three months.
March:
Although I had spent four months preparing a paper for a conference presentation, I ended up bowing out of the conference at the last minute because I knew I wouldn't be able to manage on the three-hour airplane trip. Early this month, one of the undergraduate students here had been followed to her car from the library and then faced a night of terror that ended in her murder. This student was actually one of my officemate's English students; I went with her to the freshman's funeral. I went home for Spring Break instead of traveling to the conference. I started my painkiller regimen, so March ended up pretty fuzzy.
April:
Robert's grandfather fell unexpectedly ill at the end of March and spent about three weeks in the hospital. Robert went to the hospital to help his parents, aunts, and uncles on almost a daily basis. I went with him once. Friends of ours got married on the 12th at a beautiful mansion. A week later, Robert and I went to meet with our cake lady to discuss pricing and some other details. As our meeting drew to a close, Robert received a phone call from his mother and brother telling him the sad news that his grandfather had just passed away. Robert and I were about an hour away from the hospital at this point. The next week we completed the funerary process with a great deal of shock and sadness.
May:
My whole world was pain for the first week of May. I cried walking to and from my building and the parking lot. My surgery on May 6th was a great success, and I awoke grinning because I could finally feel the toes on my left foot again. May was pretty much wrapped up in recovering from surgery. Robert and my family took such great care of me. I fell more in love with Robert this month.
June:
After some recovery time, Robert and I attended Engaged Encounter weekend, which is required to be married in the Catholic church. We actually really enjoyed ourselves and took the weekend seriously so that it ended up meaning something to us. I spent June working on acquiring the books for my preliminary exams reading lists.
July:
Robert and I spent the fourth of July in Denver, CO with his family--they were having a business conference, and we tagged along as family members. Having now experienced a Colorado summer, we decided that we really did want to try to end up there. I also came up with some manageable weight loss goals...that I didn't reach. It's not the end of the world, though. Later in the month we had our engagement party. It was so wonderful to see both sides of the family and our friends all gathered together--it was like a mini-wedding reception, hehehe. I also spent most of July teaching a whirlwind 5-week World Literature course. It was the only way to work over the summer and still be able to have back surgery.
August:
Robert started his internship for the Master's in Secondary Education, and I started my first semester teaching without taking courses. My Auntie Ann died at the end of the month. It came as quite a shock to me because I didn't know that she was ill. Auntie Ann was the matriarch of my mom's side of the family, and one of the most important people on that side of the family.
September:
Robert and one of my best friends secretly planned a surprise trip to Disney World for the three of us on Labor Day weekend! We had so much fun going around the different parks as adults. I think our favorite park was Epcot. :) My sister also threw me my first bridal shower, which was absolutely too much fun! September was difficult for Robert because he realized that he hated his program and would much rather be teaching at the college level. We had a number of in depth, pragmatic discussions to figure out what would be the best plan of action.
October:
Robert's withdrawal from the M.Ed. program and graduate school was complete; the same week, he turned around and applied for the M.A. program in English, which required him to re-apply to graduate school. We bit our nails because we didn't hear anything for the whole month. I was trying to participate in a running course at our gym but was already having difficulty. A couple friends of mine and I decided that we wanted to try to learn some photography together, so we started going on photo hikes. My mom also took me dress shopping, and we bought my wedding dress! Every time I go home, I sneak a peek in the bag and fall in love with it over and over.
November:
We found out that Robert was successfully accepted into the M.A. program! He's actually already halfway through it because of the requirements for the M.Ed. in Language Arts, so all he has left to do is complete two more classes, take his comprehensive exams, and write a thesis. We might graduate at the same time--depending on me. He'll definitely graduate in May 2010. We spent Thanksgiving day with his family, and then went to my family's for the weekend after. When we returned from Thanksgiving break, I spent the next three weeks reading without pause because my exams will be in February.
December:
I literally spent on average 12 hours a day at the library, often leaving at 3 or 4 in the morning. I got through about a hundred books this way--January will be much in the same vein. We went to Breckenridge, CO with Robert's family for the week before Christmas, and then spent Christmas Eve through Christmas weekend with my family. We bought and mailed our save-the-date magnets, and Robert and I also celebrated the anniversary of our engagement. :) New Year's Eve was spent at a pajama party with some of our favorite people and their children. It was so cute and fun.
I suppose on average, 2008 was a decent enough year. There were so many emotional spikes and valleys, though, that it felt stressful and overwhelming. I'm happy to get to 2009.
Wedding countdown: 140 days to marital bliss! :D
A Year in Review: 2008
January:
Robert proposed to me the morning of Christmas day. We spent January on what we called "The Great Ring Tour!" So many of his local friends and family invited us over to their houses to see the ring, and (for some) to meet me. We really enjoyed all the attention, even if it was at times taxing. We also met with our priest for the first time to discuss some details about the wedding. The spring semester started for us in much the same way as other semesters--stressful, but with a sense of relief to return to a scheduled day. It was my last semester of grad courses.
February:
Robert and I celebrated our one-year anniversary on February 4th by going to the same restaurant we went to on our first dinner date. Halfway through the month, I finally confessed to Robert and my mom that I had shooting, searing pain down my left leg for some time, which would usually end in numbing my toes. I tried to act as nothing was wrong for a few months, but by February, it was too much to ignore any longer. I went to the orthopedist and had an MRI that revealed my extremely herniated disk. We scheduled surgery for the end of the semester. I remained in pain for the next three months.
March:
Although I had spent four months preparing a paper for a conference presentation, I ended up bowing out of the conference at the last minute because I knew I wouldn't be able to manage on the three-hour airplane trip. Early this month, one of the undergraduate students here had been followed to her car from the library and then faced a night of terror that ended in her murder. This student was actually one of my officemate's English students; I went with her to the freshman's funeral. I went home for Spring Break instead of traveling to the conference. I started my painkiller regimen, so March ended up pretty fuzzy.
April:
Robert's grandfather fell unexpectedly ill at the end of March and spent about three weeks in the hospital. Robert went to the hospital to help his parents, aunts, and uncles on almost a daily basis. I went with him once. Friends of ours got married on the 12th at a beautiful mansion. A week later, Robert and I went to meet with our cake lady to discuss pricing and some other details. As our meeting drew to a close, Robert received a phone call from his mother and brother telling him the sad news that his grandfather had just passed away. Robert and I were about an hour away from the hospital at this point. The next week we completed the funerary process with a great deal of shock and sadness.
May:
My whole world was pain for the first week of May. I cried walking to and from my building and the parking lot. My surgery on May 6th was a great success, and I awoke grinning because I could finally feel the toes on my left foot again. May was pretty much wrapped up in recovering from surgery. Robert and my family took such great care of me. I fell more in love with Robert this month.
June:
After some recovery time, Robert and I attended Engaged Encounter weekend, which is required to be married in the Catholic church. We actually really enjoyed ourselves and took the weekend seriously so that it ended up meaning something to us. I spent June working on acquiring the books for my preliminary exams reading lists.
July:
Robert and I spent the fourth of July in Denver, CO with his family--they were having a business conference, and we tagged along as family members. Having now experienced a Colorado summer, we decided that we really did want to try to end up there. I also came up with some manageable weight loss goals...that I didn't reach. It's not the end of the world, though. Later in the month we had our engagement party. It was so wonderful to see both sides of the family and our friends all gathered together--it was like a mini-wedding reception, hehehe. I also spent most of July teaching a whirlwind 5-week World Literature course. It was the only way to work over the summer and still be able to have back surgery.
August:
Robert started his internship for the Master's in Secondary Education, and I started my first semester teaching without taking courses. My Auntie Ann died at the end of the month. It came as quite a shock to me because I didn't know that she was ill. Auntie Ann was the matriarch of my mom's side of the family, and one of the most important people on that side of the family.
September:
Robert and one of my best friends secretly planned a surprise trip to Disney World for the three of us on Labor Day weekend! We had so much fun going around the different parks as adults. I think our favorite park was Epcot. :) My sister also threw me my first bridal shower, which was absolutely too much fun! September was difficult for Robert because he realized that he hated his program and would much rather be teaching at the college level. We had a number of in depth, pragmatic discussions to figure out what would be the best plan of action.
October:
Robert's withdrawal from the M.Ed. program and graduate school was complete; the same week, he turned around and applied for the M.A. program in English, which required him to re-apply to graduate school. We bit our nails because we didn't hear anything for the whole month. I was trying to participate in a running course at our gym but was already having difficulty. A couple friends of mine and I decided that we wanted to try to learn some photography together, so we started going on photo hikes. My mom also took me dress shopping, and we bought my wedding dress! Every time I go home, I sneak a peek in the bag and fall in love with it over and over.
November:
We found out that Robert was successfully accepted into the M.A. program! He's actually already halfway through it because of the requirements for the M.Ed. in Language Arts, so all he has left to do is complete two more classes, take his comprehensive exams, and write a thesis. We might graduate at the same time--depending on me. He'll definitely graduate in May 2010. We spent Thanksgiving day with his family, and then went to my family's for the weekend after. When we returned from Thanksgiving break, I spent the next three weeks reading without pause because my exams will be in February.
December:
I literally spent on average 12 hours a day at the library, often leaving at 3 or 4 in the morning. I got through about a hundred books this way--January will be much in the same vein. We went to Breckenridge, CO with Robert's family for the week before Christmas, and then spent Christmas Eve through Christmas weekend with my family. We bought and mailed our save-the-date magnets, and Robert and I also celebrated the anniversary of our engagement. :) New Year's Eve was spent at a pajama party with some of our favorite people and their children. It was so cute and fun.
I suppose on average, 2008 was a decent enough year. There were so many emotional spikes and valleys, though, that it felt stressful and overwhelming. I'm happy to get to 2009.
Wedding countdown: 140 days to marital bliss! :D
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