Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Feeling ill and ill-prepared

My stomach is on fire and gurgling. I've been taking Maximum Strength Pepcid A/C under the consultation of my family's general practitioner, and I'm still feeling like I could puke, but that it'd only be acid.

Whenever I think about my forthcoming exams, one week away as of today, I feel like I want to curl into a ball and hide. I keep telling myself that I am not the only one in the history of the world having taken the exams, there are hundreds of years of doctoral candidates to prove that. I know that two weeks from today I'll feel better, and I'll look back and believe I'd overreacted entirely.

But right now my stomach is in fiery knots.

I canceled class because I don't feel well enough to move off the couch. I'm going to spend the day studying and hoping that that will alleviate the stress and stomach acid.

My friends and committee members are all confident that I know more than I think I do. But the reality is that there are huge gaping holes where I feel like I haven't prepared enough. Entire plays I haven't read. Just thinking that makes my stomach gurgle even more, quite obviously the point of all the stress. I'm feeling panicked over what I haven't read because I'm afraid that those specific works will be on the exams, and that I won't be able to write the appropriate essays. Of course, I don't know what the exam questions are going to be, so they could very well be much better. Here's the general rundown for a typical exam:

Minor exam: 3 essay questions, lasting one hour each for a grand total of 3 hours testing time; there are two minor exams.
Major exam: 3 essay questions, lasting over an hour each for a grand total of 4 hours testing time; there is one major exam.

I have some general notions about the direction my examiners' questions will take, but not knowing the specifics is starting to freak me out.

This might be my last post until after exams. See you on the other side.

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