A short one before buckling down

I have so much work to do today, but I just wanted to briefly recap our meeting with the priest on Saturday.

I have been e-mailing Fr. Bill back and forth the past few days, and in one of my final e-mails, I asked him if he needed us to bring anything. (Well, in addition to the certificate of completion from the Engaged Encounter weekend, which I already knew we'd need.) He told me to bring a book he gave us when we first met...which was last January! So, panicked, I started searching my apartment high and low for this book. My sister has helped me by organizing my wedding binder (which is HUGE and seems to be growing every day), and I noticed a book in one of the page covers, but I thought it was a book we received at Engaged Encounter. I called Robert, asked him if he remembered us receiving a book; he did, but he thought it was a little white book. I start searching my apartment for a little white book. Finally, Robert comes over to help me search, and we still come up empty-handed. This is all Friday night.

Saturday morning, the morning of the meeting, I grabbed whatever I could find that had to do with a Catholic wedding. I grabbed the Church information packet, the itinerary that we're supposed to fill out, a book my mom bought me called "Your Catholic Wedding," and the little book from the back of my binder. When we got into our meeting with the priest, I laid everything out in front of me, and he said, "Oh good, I see you brought your book with you!" All that panic and stress over nothing. Turns out that book was the one he had given us a year ago...whew.

The meeting itself was wonderful. Even though we weren't necessarily in need of heavy counseling, I still left feeling counseled and calmer. Sign of a good priest, I think. Robert pointed out that priests are trained to be good counselors, as well, so it's a sign of a good counselor, too.

We took our FOCCUS test, which stands for "Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding Study." Most Catholic parishes require the completion of this test as one of the steps toward marriage preparation. Before I explain what the test is, I'll divulge a little of my own reluctance. I like to watch "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" And one of the couples recently was a Catholic couple, and they had to take a FOCCUS test. They were much younger than Robert and I (probably by a good five or eight years), and they were both worried that the test was a compatibility test. They were scared that if they didn't score high enough, that they would be refused their wedding. The show, of course, did nothing to explain what the test was or to remove those suspicions.

The FOCCUS test, as it turns out, is simply a way to see where the couple needs to have more conversations. I asked Fr. Bill before he took us to our separate rooms, "Why exactly are we taking this test? What does it do?" And he responded, "This is NOT a compatibility test. There are no right or wrong answers, and it alone is not going to determine whether or not you two should be married. All it shows us is where you two have reached agreement and where you might still need to talk." It's a standard Likert scale with Agree, Disagree, and Unsure as the only options. Areas that are marked "Unsure" are probably areas that require further discussion.

Because Robert and I are an interfaith couple, we had an additional 9 questions to answer in regards to our religious differences. I felt pretty confident in that area, so most of my answers were either "agree" or "disagree." The only area I didn't feel entirely confident in was our money management plan. All we've really come to agree on is that it'll work out. But I feel like I need a more structured plan than that, and I'm sure it'll be something we talk about the next time we meet with the priest.

Overall, we really do love our priest, and I'm so excited he's going to marry us. What thrills me even more is his willingness to marry us in a traditional Catholic Mass ceremony, complete with the Eucharist, even though Robert and over half the guest list won't be taking Eucharist. It's important to me that I receive the sacrament of Eucharist when I enter into the sacrament of Marriage. Robert understands and appreciates that, so it hasn't been an issue. It's never guaranteed that a particular archdiocese will agree to allow a Mass ceremony for an interfaith couple, but we're very happy that our archdiocese is in agreement with it.

I can feel this shift in my heart occurring...this shift from being the girlfriend/fiancée to being the wife. And it gives me such a calming sense of wholeness. 130 days to go! :)