Out, damn smell!!

I just attacked my apartment with a spray bottle of Febreze, which reminded me very much of Lady Macbeth's issue with washing her hands. Well...she was hallucinating, after all. Or dreaming. Depending on the director.

Anyway....

I'm clearly in student mode because as I was finishing the play of the morning (M. Butterfly by Hwang, which I'd read eight years ago and not since, but have always loved), I noticed just how utterly awful my apartment smells. Well, I don't think it's hit-you-in-the-face-when-you-walk-in-the-door yet...but there's this faint hint of...bad...every time I take a deep breath. I also noticed that my ratio of clean clothes to dirty clothes had hit an all-time low; in fact, I am still in my PJs for the simple fact that I don't have any clean pants to wear. I decided to start laundry, and I think it'll probably take six loads or so to finish. I think I got the smell out (could have been the clothes), although I do notice a faint hint of rot coming from the kitchen. My garbage disposal is broken (again), and I haven't had the energy to call the apartment manager to come and fix it (again). It's a monthly occurrence. You can understand why I'm reluctant to call (again) after I've constantly requested an entirely new appliance. But the truth of the matter is there's food down there, and with the weather starting to warm back up, there will soon be bugs. Gross but true. Maybe I'll call tomorrow.

Why has everything in my apartment just turned so violently to shit? Well, mostly because of my exams. They are scheduled for Feb. 18-20th (written) and March 5th (oral). My forthcoming calendar of events:

January:
No longer counts for anything. I am reading every single day, regardless of social events or activities planned.

February:
1: Super Bowl party
5: Guest lecture on Shakespeare for a colleague
18: Written exam in general drama or Shakespeare (3 hours)
19: Written exam in English early modern drama (4 hours)
20: Written exam in general drama or Shakespeare (3 hours)/Students' papers due
21: Adriane's birthday party (a month late)
23: Students' midterm exam
27: Students' grades for first paper and midterm exam due
28: Tool and Gadget bridal shower for Robert's friends and his side of the family

March:
5: Oral exam (roughly 2 hours...my fate will literally be decided at this meeting)
12-15: Conference on College Composition and Communication (CCCC, lovingly called 4 C's where I'll present a paper on ekphrasis in tattoos on the 13th)
14-22: Spring "Break"--or, as I call it, dissertation prospectus writing time
21: Amy's bridal shower
28: I think there's something here, but I can't remember it right now....

April:
4: My family bridal shower hosted by my Aunt Beth
17: Bridal luncheon/nails/rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for Amy's wedding
18: Amy's wedding
30: Robert's roommates move out

May:
1: We start renovations on the duplex before I move in (this includes recarpeting, repainting, replacing some doors/fixtures, and CLEANING)
6: Students' final exam
8: Students' grades are due
16: My bachelorette party
22: Bridal luncheon/nails/rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for our wedding
23: Our wedding!!!
24: Leave for honeymoon-->destination: LONDON!

June:
3: return from London, arrive in the evening...probably exhausted
6: Robert's birthday...not sure how we'll celebrate this year. Probably a store-bought cake, lol.
7: Continue the process of moving me in and unpacking all my stuff.

So, that's what I've got on my plate. I'm constantly overwhelmed, overtired, overstressed, and just generally not feeling well. I've recently been having trouble with stomach acid, so I've started a Pepcid A/C regimen (approved by the family doc) just to get me through so that I can actually put some food in my body. Sleep is almost always a moot point, although I was able to sleep very well the other night. I miss my friends so much. At this point, I only ever see a handful of my friends (maybe two or three) for a few minutes out of the day as we busily rush to teach. I see Adriane all the time, but it's not exactly quality time because we're both reading for our individual exams (she takes hers in April).

Robert's got this huge TV that usually all the guys gather around for the Super Bowl. I've begged him to let us go to my friend's apartment to watch the game, despite the fact that her television is smaller and she doesn't have TiVo for convenient at-home instant replays. He might leave at half-time, which is upsetting to me because I know that by asking him to do this at my friend's place, he's losing time with his friends. But I miss my friends SO MUCH. I can't stand it.

I don't even know if this will be an issue. The Super Bowl is this Sunday, and I don't think it's looking good for me. I have 80-odd plays left to read before the exams (I want to have them finished by the first week of Feb. so I can spend the second week studying my notes). This will probably go down as yet another social event with my friends that I'll have to miss.

If you are considering getting your PhD, let me give you a very fair warning. There are elements that are intellectually exciting and challenging. It can be loads of fun, particularly if you have a supportive committee backing you up. There are a few downsides, and those are generally in the final years of the PhD. These downsides are the GDEs/prelims/quals/whatever your department calls them and the dissertation. The GDEs/prelims/quals/whatever are the General Doctoral Exams/preliminary exams/qualifying exams for your dissertation. You have to pass these before you can go on to your diss, so they are extremely important. Everything hinges on them. While studying for these exams, the time is lonely, isolating, and stressful. It is a difficult time in your life. Although I've not gotten on the other side, the glorious side of ABD ("all but dissertation"), I have been told by others that once past the exams, life is sweeter.

But I am left wondering about Oscar Wilde and his ability to read two pages at once.