100 entries, 100 days

I know I predicted that I wouldn't have posted anything until after the completion of my exams, but today is an important day. Today marks the 100th day in the countdown to the wedding! We have been engaged for 413 days, what's another 100? :) Robert always promised me that we could start the countdown in earnest when we got to 100, haha. I think we're going to count in increments of 10 until a month before the wedding. I'm so excited that it's just around the corner!

Dating
We had been seeing each other only 10 months before we got engaged. But in those 10 months, our relationship was tried and tested, and we grew into more improved versions of ourselves. We met in a class the Spring of 2007 and started officially dating on Feb. 4, 2007--Super Bowl Sunday. We had been seeing each other on little dates throughout January since the beginning of the semester. I was in love with him since the very beginning, and I believe it was obvious. I was so happy and calm whenever I was around him. I felt no pressure to behave a certain way or to put on airs. I could relax and be myself. I believe this is partly true because around Feb. 7th or so, I invited my new boyfriend over to my apartment for dinner...little did he know, I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to have a sort of tell-all talk with him to lay everything out there, so that he knew what brand of crazy I was before he got any more involved. I was nervous to share all my deepest, darkest secrets with this man I had only known for a little over a month, but something in me told me to trust him. After I finished speaking, he put his hand on my knee and said, "Thank you so much for trusting me and telling me all of that." Of course, he was not scared off, and since then we've built our relationship up on the foundation of trust and open communication. When we feel anything (fear, anger, joy, sadness), we know and trust that we can divulge those emotions to our partner in a safe environment and not be ridiculed or pushed way. Instead, it seems that when we freely express ourselves to one another, our love is deepened and strengthened. And in addition to all the "heavy" emotional stuff, I have always had fun with Robert. Since day one. He makes me laugh, he helps me find the joy in any situation, and I always feel safe with him.

The proposal
Robert proposed to me on Christmas morning, 2007 at his parents' house. Their traditional gift exchange is very similar to our gift exchange, each person taking a turn opening a gift so that everyone can give that person attention. I opened a few presents from Robert and his parents, things like a journal and a beautiful pearl bracelet. When it came my turn again to open another present, Robert instructed me to open a wrapped book. (We English nerds can always tell when we got a book.) I opened it from the top and saw pages--I started to get very excited because there were a few wonderful books on my list that year. As I tore off the paper from the cover, I saw the title and became perplexed. It read: Wedding Planning for Dummies. I looked at Robert (who was seated on the floor while I was on the couch) and said, "But we're not...." My voice trailed off as I watched him reach from behind to pull out a ring box. And that's when he proposed.

The night before we had gone to his grandmother's house for Christmas Eve dinner, and when we returned, I told him privately how much I loved his family and enjoyed spending time with them. Robert tweaked his earlier proposal idea to fit the theme of our conversation. He said, "Baby, you know how last night you said you wanted to become a member of my family, you wanted to be a part of it? Will you marry me?" We both started crying; I leaned over and hugged him so tightly and we kissed several times (right in front of his family, haha). When we composed ourselves, we both realized I hadn't spoken the word "yes" yet, and I hadn't even glanced at the ring. Laughing, Robert asked, "So? Is that a yes?" I kissed him again and said, "Yes!" He pulled the ring out of the box, I finally looked at it, my jaw dropped (because it is so much more than I ever anticipated), and I put it on my shaking hand. To our surprise and delight, it fit! Aside from necessity (cooking particularly messy foods, swimming, that sort of thing), I have not removed this ring since that day. I am excited to add its partner, the wedding band which accompanied it, to my finger as well.

I am also so grateful to his mom for taking pictures during the proposal. I printed off several copies and framed them as gifts to our mothers and grandmothers for Mother's Day last year. I also have them framed in my apartment. When I feel tired or bogged down, I look at those pictures and am made calm.

Engagement
This past Christmas (2008), we celebrated the anniversary of our engagement. Robert was a little perturbed by this simply because it's not very common for a couple to have such a long engagement, at least not in our social circles. But we remind each other all the time of why we had to wait to have our wedding. In general, our academic obligations really dictated what time of year and when we would be able to be married. Specifically, I didn't want to have to plan the final details of a wedding while studying for exams which I was originally slated to take Fall 2008, and we originally thought that he would be graduating a week before our wedding from the M.Ed. program. Of course, things change. We had a couple of heart-rending family deaths to deal with, and I ended up having back surgery in May. Every once in a while, when I feel the weight of a 400-day-long engagement bearing down on me, I just imagine having to walk down the aisle with a herniated disk. I wouldn't have been able to have stood through the entire ceremony, nor would I have been able to dance at the reception. In the end, it has truly worked out for the best.

In my heart, and I know in his heart as well, we are already married. We've been married for quite some time now. In our view marriage is merely the unification of two souls and two lives. We've united our souls in a way that cannot be broken, no matter how much life will try us. Our lives have been unified as much as they can when two people live in two separate homes, but we feel each other in our daily lives, no matter if we're in the same room or not.

Of course our lives are not perfect, and we have our little arguments, but we always come back to the same conclusion: we love and trust each other enough to express our true emotions and know that those true emotions will be handled with dignity.

I love you, Robert! I am honored to know that you chose me to stand beside you, and that in 100 days I will be your wife.