A couple of (unrelated) things are happening today for which I have a great deal of nervous energy.
1. At 1 p.m., I'm having a meeting with my dissertation director to discuss something that I've pretty well kept under wraps from most of my family and friends. My parents don't even know about this meeting, which is something I've never done before academically (keeping them in the dark, I mean). But I came to the decision that at this stage in my academic career, as an independent student whose parents aren't providing money for the education, I'm not required to clear anything with them before making big decisions. I'll of course tell them after I have the meeting.
So, what's this mystery meeting about? I'm going to meet with my dissertation director (who also directed my Master's thesis) about the possibility of pushing my preliminary exams back to next August. Why? Because last December when we made the plans to have my exams in January/February, we didn't know that I would be diagnosed with a herniated disk and we certainly didn't know that I would have to have surgery. When all this did come about, my committee members asked if I thought I'd be okay...before the surgery. Of course, being the stubborn, ambitious woman that I am, said, "Yeah! I'll be in recovery, so I'll have lots of time to sit there and read." Yes...and be drugged up on pain killers. Robert and I did read a few plays this summer. Last night, he quizzed me on some of the finer points of these plays...and I can't remember them. This is bad. This means that even if I had been able to read more, I wouldn't have been able to remember anything and would still have to reread it all.
I'm going to basically beg for an extension on the exams because I'm so far behind. I was near tears last night when talking to Robert about it (getting my pep talk before today, actually), and I asked him if back surgery is a legitimate excuse. I said, "I couldn't avoid it, right? There's nothing I could have done about it, right? I couldn't have exercised it away or dieted it away. It just happened, and now we have to reevaluate, right?" I think he was surprised that I had to convince myself of this, but the reality is that sometimes I do feel guilty about my back because I've never been interested in making up excuses in order to avoid challenges.
Two more hours and then I meet with my dissertation director. Keep your fingers crossed for me and say some little resolve strengthening prayers...I'm faltering.
2. At 5 o'clock today, I'm starting the running class at the gym (with my sister, too). This I don't feel quite as much a sense of dread as I do about the former point, but I do have a lot of nervous energy about it. My sister's personal trainer is the instructor for this class, and she told my sister that there will be a podiatrist there to watch us walk barefoot. He'll then make recommendations based on whether we pronate or supinate while walking. I'm glad we're having a professional there to help us out, especially since I am post-op. I may have changed my walk since surgery (or even perhaps before) as a reaction.
I'm nervous because most of the response I've received from my friends and colleagues is how they hate running and could never do it...so...we'll see. I've never claimed to be a runner, but I did learn to enjoy it on the treadmill back when I was running on the treadmill...back before the herniated disk issue. I'm hoping this class will teach me to love running again. At the very least, it's a ten-week class which will get me moving and motivated. The instructor has promised dramatic results by December in most cases. I hope that's likely, and I hope I can stick to it enough to make it happen. The class meets three days a week (Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday). I can do Mondays and Thursdays, but I tutor on Tuesdays, which is inflexible. I e-mailed the instructor, and she told me the deal would be that I could come to class on Mondays and Thursdays, and make up the third day on my own time. I mentioned to Robert the possibility of going on Wednesday afternoons together. I think that should work out just fine. I'm a little skittish about missing the second day of class, but I think I can get my sister to sort of catch me up.
Nervous energy is good, right?
Ugh, I'm so nervous. I hope this dissipates by the time I teach this afternoon.
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2 comments:
I'm nervous for you. I really hope they understand. They ought to. You shouldn't feel guilty. You have a medical reason. Hope everything goes well.
Good luck with the running! Did I ever tell you that I signed up at a gym with my SIL before her wedding? She was really happy with her results and thanked me in her wedding program for being her workout buddy.
I'm not nervous for you, I'm sure it will all work out. Since the original date was decided before you knew about this, I don't see why they wouldn't be willing to change it.
As for the running thing, I'm trying to teach myself to like it, too, and when I originally read about this class in your blog I was jealous. I've thought about it every time I've gone to work out since then. I'm sure it will be good since she knows she has people who may have never run in their lives before. You're such a dedicated student that it seems unnerving to miss the second day of class! But I'm sure it will be fine as long as you really stick to going on that extra day to make up for it on your own. Let me know how it goes and maybe you can give me some pointers!
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