My second point is...

Next on my list of topics to cover are the deaths in my family of late.

My Auntie Ann died on Sunday morning, August 24th.  It was a shock to me because I had no idea she had been sick for the week before.  As I've already described, she was quite a remarkable woman and a staple in our family.

I found out yesterday that my dad's cousin died at the age of 49 on Wednesday, August 27th of a massive heart attack.  He is survived by his wife and two young children (both under the age of ten).  His father, Uncle Roger (my grandfather's favorite brother), died several years ago of a massive heart attack.  My grandfather suffered a few massive heart attacks, the latest one in the '90s resulting in his need for a quadruple bypass.  My grandfather has lost weight, increased his activity to an incredible degree, and changed his diet completely.  His BP and cholesterol are still a little high, but that's hereditary; they're not nearly as high as they used to be.  Most of the men on my dad's side of the family either suffered from or died early from massive heart attacks because of the rampant heart disease on that side of the family.  My dad has an extremely stressful job, travels every day of the week except for one or two days, sleeps only a couple hours a night, eats whatever he can whenever he can (which means a hamburger at midnight, if he has to), and exercises rarely but tries to get to the park for a run when he's at home.  Robert spoke to him earlier today, and my dad explained that his cousin, Michael, was a heavy smoker and had high cholesterol.  To me, that's copping out--that's my dad saying, "Well, it won't happen to me because I'm not like Michael."  But he has a lot of the same genes as Michael.  And it scares me.

As for the lack of support portion of the note I made earlier, it basically follows this.

After speaking with my mom last night, I discovered just how completely full of shit my paternal grandmother is.  My mom no longer has any biological parental figures.  Her parents are gone (Grandpa died in 1996 and Grandma died in 2002), and now her second parents (her aunt and uncle) are gone (Uncle Lenny died after Grandpa and Auntie Ann just last week).  My dad's parents are the only ones she has left.  When she spoke to my grandmother to get a little support, my grandmother was very distant.  First, she asked my mom if she had a nice trip to St. Louis (where her family is from).  

My mom's response was, "No, Frances.  I didn't.  The flight was fine, but, no, the trip was not."

Grandmother replied, "Well, I'm sure the reason for traveling was hard...but I'm sure it was nice to see your family."

My mom was honest.  "No.  No, it wasn't."

See, here's the deal.  When you're talking to a supposed mother figure, you should be able to break down the walls and be vulnerable.  She's not an acquaintance who you just give a stock answer to--you don't say, "Oh, yeah, sure it was fine."  No.  My grandmother changed the subject when my mom opened up to her.

My mom then went on to describe the flowers that Robert's parents sent to the funeral.  My grandparents sent nothing.  No sympathy card, nothing.  They had met Auntie Ann.  They knew who she was for my mom.  Robert's parents hadn't met her, but they still managed to show their support because they love my mom.  When my mom described the flowers to my grandmother, she changed the subject.

The final bit of bitchiness from my grandmother came when she and my mom were talking about Michael's death.  My grandmother explained about his widow and children who were left behind, and my mom expressed her sympathy for the poor woman.  My grandmother replied, "Yes, well, she's a cold-hearted woman."

What the hell does that mean???  I was mad.  I asked my mom, "So, are you telling me that my grandmother is so unkind as to imply that anyone deserves their spouse to die so young??"  My mom replied, "Apparently."  See, we didn't really know Michael and his family because they moved a bit far away.  So I don't know his widow.  But I do know my grandmother.  And I do know that when a person does not know her very well (and even when they do), it's easy and safe to close up and protect one's feelings.  It's very possible that Michael's widow was "cold-hearted" to my grandmother because my grandmother is a cold-hearted woman.  Who says something like that about a widow?  Nobody deserves a spouse to die, I don't care how evil a person they seem to be.

Robert and I are going up to my parents' house this weekend so that we can offer some support to my mom and dad.  Basically, I'm going to help my mom remember to rest (because she's bone tired) and do the laundry or ironing or cooking or whatever for her so she can actually sleep as much as she needs to.  Robert's offered to do the yard work because my dad is also really busy with work and won't be able to do much house stuff this weekend either.  I just want to help them out...and I really just need to be with my mommy right now.